Get The Carefree Girl Back

Get The Carefree Girl Back

When you first started dating, your priorities were getting to know each other, having fun and being romantic. But once you drifted out of the honeymoon orbit and reentered the real world, chances are you found that your daily routine, with all its work, house chores and other responsibilities, took over. It’s no wonder that you somehow lost your carefree, fun-loving girlfriend in the process. But here’s how to get her -- as well as the fun spirit of your relationship -- back for a sequel.

Provide a secure environment

One of the real fun suckers in any relationship is unnecessary stress. This can be due to insecurities or jealousies, which usually boil down to one person not feeling confident in the relationship. Many women feel that they can’t enjoy a committed relationship unless it’s towering with stability, so what’s vital is that you zap those silly stressors by being open and honest with each other. If she feels secure in the relationship, she will let her guard down. That will translate into both of you having more fun.

Get away from each other

Of course, when you first started dating all you wanted was to spend time cocooned together. But life has to go on and now you probably find that, between work and all your other activities, you don't get to spend as much time with each other as you used to. Although your immediate reaction to this realization could be to cram in more time together, don’t let yourselves become glued together at the hip because that’s a surefire way to smother the flame.

To keep it burning for longer, it helps to spend time away from her. Hang out with your friends and let her have time with hers, too. This time apart is important because always being in each other’s space, especially if you live together, can lead to something fun becoming boring. What you want to do is make the time you do spend with your girlfriend as special as possible.

Do something fun every week

Organize a weekly date night and schedule it into your planner so that you make it as important as a business meeting. Note: Spending time together by default (for instance, doing household chores) doesn’t count as quality time.

Make your dates more inventive than the usual dinner and a movie, so that you look forward to them as much as you did at the start of your relationship. Think bonfires on the beach, trips to the zoo, a wine-tasting excursion, or a picnic in your living room. You could also think up some fun activities or hobbies to pursue together, such as trying out a new sport. These will be great bonding experiences and both of you will anticipate the weekly adventure. Having fun in your relationship keeps it alive.

Go on vacation

Research from the Netherlands found that simply planning a vacation causes a big boost in levels of happiness. The study was published in the Journal of Applied Research in Quality of Life and surveyed happiness levels among over 1530 Dutch adults, 974 of whom went on a holiday during the 32-week study period. The results found that anticipating a vacation led to happiness. So just planning a holiday can bring some excitement to your relationship. Getting away from the routine of daily life is great because you can spend time doing what you love and enjoy quality time without interruptions. There are no stressful family or career issues causing you to miss out on the fun you can have in a fresh environment.

But don’t let the fun stop when you return home. Try to incorporate that carefree feeling into your real life in small ways. For instance, if you enjoyed taking time daily to chat over a glass of wine, try to do that in evenings; likewise, if you both felt rejuvenated at trying new activities during your holiday, consider taking up some classes where you can learn something new together.

bottom line

Getting your carefree girlfriend back is not about trying to change your girlfriend or backtrack to the honeymoon phase (which isn’t built to last, by the way). Instead, it’s about trying to keep the relationship as enjoyable and exciting as possible, instead of letting yourselves fall into a rut.

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Signs That She's Been Around

Signs That She's Been Around

Dirty girls -- if we can call them that -- are among us. Sex-happy women taunt us with their sexual savvy, and we wonder at how open and free-spirited they must be. But do you ever ask yourself what you would do if you found out that the very woman you were with, your very girlfriend, used to be one of those sure things you've often taken notice of?

The topic of past sexual partners can be a topic that is often avoided. Perhaps the reason is that you yourself do not wish to disclose the amount of notches on your headboard.

If you are suspicious about whether or not your girlfriend has been around, there are many clues to help in your deductions, Sherlock. After finding out for yourself, the only thing left will be to decide if you care.

1- She has a closet full of sex skeletons
You no doubt know that we're not alone when it comes to keeping secrets in the dark recesses of our closets. If you find yourself poking around you're girlfriend's things and happen across dark secrets, there may be more to the extracurricular past of your lady-friend than you'd like to admit. Porn, instruments of torture, videos, pictures of ex-boyfriends in racy poses; all these are clues that she may be the sex-fiend of another man's past. Collections are not the result of isolated experiences. You have two choices: a) let her penchant for experimentation bother you; or, b) dive in headfirst and rediscover yourself.

2- She's an around-the-way girl
Everybody loves a friendly woman. It's a sure sign that she is willing and able to shake things up, make things happen and connect with important people. However, if you're out on the town with a girlfriend, and she's as friendly as can be, there are signs that she may have a long sexual resume. If men approach her, and appear comfortable speaking to both of you, or know her immediately by her name, or even know her but can't recall her name, these are all probable signs that she has been playing the game, and more than likely has been played. Again, it's a numbers game. A friendly girl often ain't just friendly with her smiles.

She knows too many men and they're always calling her.

3- She seems to have had many boyfriends
Listen carefully to the tall tales of your woman. If she seems to have a story for everything -- she's been here with this guy and there with another -- you can probably deduce that she has had a variety of partners. Sometimes when you stack all the building blocks of her experience on top of each other, the tower is taller than you think.

She always seems to have done "something" with "someone." She always has a story on how she did this with that guy she dated, and that with an ex-boyfriend. By virtue of putting together all the pieces of her past, she seems to have had many boyfriends (read: sexual partners).

4- She gets calls from other men
She'll answer her phone and act strangely when realizing who is calling her. If you're around, she'll get nervous during the conversation, suggest to the caller that they talk later at a "better" time, or simply leave the room for some privacy. If your girlfriend is on the phone and you can't hear her conversation, don't be paranoid. It doesn't mean she is cheating on you, but ex-boyfriends and sexual partners don't care about you, and whether she's beating them off, or indulging their requests to have a conversation, the fact that they call speaks volumes.

5- She carries a condom in her purse at all times
She had one the first time you met... and had sex. You might not have made much of it at the time when you were about to get some, but you now find this a little offsetting and representative of her true personality.

A bonus sign with this one is that she routinely gets tested. This likely shows that she's sexually active and has been with various partners.

6- She knows what men want in bed
In the hay is where the real history of your girlfriend's exploits can rear their ugly -- or marvelous -- head (pun intended). That your girlfriend is a sexual dynamo doesn't mean she has been around; often women develop a well-rounded sense of their sexual self over the course of only a few partners. There are some tricky things, however, that might come up to tip you off to the fact that quality for her may have come as a result of quantity.

Robotic behavior of many kinds is a great example of her referring to a process in her sex life, rather than an experience. If she is very adept at getting you off, meaning she is very quick to go down on you, the sex talk is flaccid and sounds insincere, she wants to get off, or get you off and then be done with it, or seldom has interest in cuddling or the like, it is a good indication that she's had her fair share. Remember: Multiple partners can be, for some, a game of self-gratification and objectification. A stilted approach to your sex life, no matter how skilled she may be, can be a sign that you are one in a long line. But that doesn't mean you can't be the last.

Don't jump to conclusions...

Sexual history can be such a touchy subject between you and your girlfriend, as different sexual experiences often play into arguments of inequality in the relationship. If you are getting the feeling that your girl has made more than a few trips around the bases, ask yourself two very honest questions:

1- Is there a double standard as regards the amount of people that you've been with?
2- Do you really care?

It is up to you to decide if the fact that your girlfriend has had many partners bothers you or not. To most, it usually boils down to the kind of woman she is. If she had been around in the past, but respects and loves you and wants to engage in a serious relationship, then you might want to take that into consideration. The choice is yours.

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