You are trying your hardest to make a good impression. You act in ways you think she'll like and you tell her what you think she wants to hear. But somehow, even your best efforts backfire.
Sound familiar?
Indeed, many guys behave in certain ways toward women because they think it will help their cause. They cry and profess their love to score a few extra points. But in fact, when taken to the extreme, these supposed "women-friendly" behaviors are sometimes the very things that will annoy her the most.
The following is a list of 10 such offenses that men commit regularly. They are all behaviors that women supposedly like, but unfortunately, they are often used in excess. So don't let your relationship go sour because of some petty misconceptions. With a quick read of the list below, you should have a clear idea of what to do -- and perhaps more importantly, what not to do -- in order to get her and keep her.
1. You call her too often
Why it will work against you: Incessant dialing is a major faux pas if you want to keep your dignity. It not only makes you look obsessive and dependent, but it can downright annoy her. If you are always on the other end of the phone, you lose your aura of mystery and independence that can be so intriguing.
What to do instead: For every two to three times you call her, she should be calling you at least once. Because of the old-world rules of courtship, you will inevitably be calling more often, but you should still make sure the calls are going both ways. Also, don't call during work hours or on Friday or Saturday nights.
2. You cry
Why it will work against you: You've heard time and time again that she wants a sensitive man, so you open the tear ducts every time she's around. Wrong. Crying makes you look too emotional and needy, possibly even unstable. She wants to be with someone who has an aura of strength and the capacity to protect her. But if you are constantly crying, your manly image is gone. Not to mention the annoyance factor: If you cry in public, she could be embarrassed, and that's the worst offense you can commit.
What to do instead: Unless something very tragic happened and your tears are genuine, ditch the crying act. Being sensitive to her needs is important, tears are not.
Smooching in public, always letting her decide and more relationship-busting offenses
3. You give her too much PDA
Why it will work against you: Rule No. 1: Never do anything to embarrass her publicly. And serenading, ogling and smooching her in public might do just that. Not only will she consider breaking up with you over it, she might also get pressure from friends and family to do so. The last thing you want is a bad rep with her crew as being possessive, cheesy or just plain silly.
What to do instead: Some women do indeed like a certain degree of PDA, but walk that line with care. Start with a peck in public and judge her reaction before proceeding to the public serenade.
4. You use baby talk and try to be cute
Why it will work against you: It is cheesy, kitschy, silly, nausea-inducing. Need I say more? Baby talk is for babies, so don't do it to her.
What to do instead: You are allowed to have the odd pet name and cute inside joke, but leave it at that. Unless she baby talks to you first and gives you a strong indication that she likes that kind of thing, do yourself a favor and ditch it entirely.
5. You are too accommodating
Why it will work against you: Yes, it's important to let her pick the movie once in a while. But if you are watching Dirty Dancing for the 11th time, you have a problem. While you need to be accommodating to some extent, you don't want to appear spineless. In particular, don't ask her permission to do things; that produces a mother-child dynamic, which is surely not what she is looking for in a relationship.
What to do instead: Take your spine back and show her that you are capable of making a decision. Pick the movie, the restaurant or the television show once in a while. After all, that's the basis of compromise -- sometimes she decides, sometimes you do.
6. You are too close with her family and friends
Why it will work against you: While she wants you to be friendly with her family and friends, she doesn't want you to jump the gun either. Especially in the early stages of a relationship, she'll want to make sure things are working between the two of you before bringing her family and friends into the mix.
What to do instead: Your relationship with her family and friends is something that has to develop over time. Be cordial and friendly, but don't go planning her brother's birthday party if you've only been together for a month.
7. You groom excessively
Why it will work against you: A woman generally doesn't want a man to spend more time grooming than she does. But perhaps more importantly, too much grooming will take away from your rugged, relaxed sex appeal. And believe me, that's so much more sexy on a man than a manicure.
What to do instead: Make sure you are clean and smell good, but ease up the facials and manicures; your sex appeal will skyrocket.
Use "I love you" sparingly, chill on the dance floor and lay off the constant chattering
8. You profess your love for her prematurely or too often
Why it will work against you: I know you probably think that the way to a woman's heart is through an "I love you." And you are not completely off base. But such a declaration made too early (or too often) will only freak her out. Not only that, but it puts you in an awfully vulnerable position if she doesn't say it back.
What to do instead: There is a time and place for everything. Don't say it because you think it will impress her; only say it when you mean it. And please, limit yourself to saying it a few times a week.
9. You "overdance"
Why it will work against you: Do you say things like, "I love to dance," or, "Let's go dancing tonight"? When she wants to leave a nightclub, do you find yourself saying, "Just one more song"? If you commit any of these offenses, then you are most certainly are overdancer. You are the extreme opposite of the "I don't dance" kind of guy and you are risking not being taken seriously. She might think you are avoiding buying her a drink or conversing with her at the bar. If all that is not enough, consider this: An overdancer tends to be smelly and sweaty by the end of the night.
What to do instead: Don't look so eager. She'll want you to dance some of the time, but you don't have to always be the instigator. Try to judge when she wants to dance and initiate dancing only half of the time. And don't forget to take breaks to buy her drinks.
10. You talk constantly
Why it will work against you: You might be a great talker, but if you can't be silent with her sometimes, then you need to listen up. Your incessant blabber is bound to annoy her sooner or later. Scratch that; it's probably already annoying her.
What to do instead: Although you've been taught to think that women like men who can talk and share, it goes both ways. Make sure you leave the floor open for her to talk too. Ask questions and don't forget to listen. And remember: sometimes silence is golden - watch what you do.
It might take some time and mental adjustment to rid yourself of these stereotypical notions of what women like. You've probably been told from birth that she'll like it if you sing to her accompanied by a six-piece band.
But the key here is moderation. You don't have to abandon any of the above behaviors entirely; just keep them low-key and you'll be fine. It's like with any good diet: Moderate all of the above behaviors, and every once in a while you can splurge on a public kiss without blowing it entirely.
