Open Relationships...

Open Relationships...

Persuade Her To Have An Open Relationship

• Better Man in brief ...
• For an open relationship to work, both parties have to be keen on the idea.
• To sell the concept, you need to focus on how she will benefit.
• Make sure she knows it is only about sex, as emotional infidelity is more of a concern for her.

"Often, the best sexual communication occurs outside of the bedroom..."

You make her No. 1, but you don’t want her to be the only one. Open relationships offer sexual variety with other people, which immediately sells you on the idea, but what about your girlfriend? Having an open setup could result in the relationship breaking up. Hey, some relationships just don’t make it once they’ve tried the open road. If you have breakup on your mind, perhaps ending the relationship is your best bet rather than suggesting you widen the playing field a little.

However, if you want to keep your relationship a priority in your life, but you just want to have some new experiences, perhaps you’ll be one of the lucky ones who finds that bringing outsiders into your relationship will add some spark to it.  It’s good to bear in mind that for an open relationship to work, both parties have to be keen on the idea. When trying to awaken your girlfriend’s interest in open relationships, here are some ways to go about it.

1- Plant the idea

Instead of focusing on your needs, let her be introduced to the idea of open relationships in a more objective way. During a hot night together, why not suggest renting an erotic movie or two? Choose movies that involve threesomes and try to find quality porn that has a bit of a story line if possible, especially since a huge chunk of erotic films out there are not always liked by women. (Note: Avoiding porn that features facials or other acts she’ll view as degrading is also a must.)
Watching a steamy flick together won’t only add some spice to your sex life now, but it could also make her turned on by what she sees, thereby planting an idea in her mind that she might want to take further.

2- Encourage the fantasy

Now it’s up to you to encourage her wildest dreams. Often, the best sexual communication occurs outside of the bedroom, so take some time to share your erotic fantasies with your girlfriend and let her do the same. This is a great way to nurture trust in your relationship, but it also encourages her fantasies to become reality. For instance, if she tells you that she has previously fantasized about sex with another person, hear her out and encourage her to describe it to you. Once her mind is open to the thoughts, her body is more likely to follow.

"Find the good things that an open relationship can bring to your lives."

3- Hang out with swingers

Taking things to the next step can involve hitting some swingers’ clubs to meet swingers who are fun, young females. Your girlfriend will see that the act of meeting and picking up swingers is definitely not the same as asking someone out on a date. There’s no trying to get swingers interested in who you are; rather, it’s all about having a sexual experience and then moving on to others. Period. This is sure to put your girlfriend’s mind at ease: Swinging is carefree and noncommittal. You leave your emotions at the door while gaining sexual stimulation.

The bonus? There’s no guilt of going behind your partner’s back or betraying them with your cheating ways because it’s all out in the open.

4- Sell the benefits

One of the biggest mistakes men make when suggesting an open relationship to their girlfriends is that they focus on what they want and completely forget that she has to be on the same page for it to work.

But if a salesman is going to sell you a new body lotion, he’s not only going to tell you what its benefits are, he’s also going to show you how it’s better than the current one you’re using. So, when discussing open relationships with your girlfriend, focus on how the change to your relationship can benefit you both more than your current setup. For instance, she can still reap the benefits of your current relationship, but she doesn’t have to feel sexually limited; she can take that career opportunity overseas without carrying the emotional baggage of the relationship. Find the good things that an open relationship can bring to your lives. If she sees this for herself, she’s more likely to become interested in giving it a try.

5- Make it about sex

It has been said that when it comes to infidelity, women are more likely to have emotional affairs whereas men focus on the sexual satisfaction. This backdrop of information shows you the glaring truth: Often, women will associate sex with something more emotional, or they think that sex will lead to love. This could be the undercurrent that is preventing your girlfriend from wanting an open relationship as her fears could include the thought that you’re going to be falling in love with the new women you’re sexual with.

be open

You have to nip this one in the butt, guys. Ensure she knows your relationship is the sexual and emotional priority -- the main act. All extras in the movie are there for purely sexual adventures. If you keep the emotional stuff out of the equation, she will not see it as a threat, and the good times can keep on, er, coming.



Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures
Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines For Responsible Open Relationships
Love Unlimited: The Joys and Challenges of Open Relationships
Eyes Wide Open: Avoiding the Heartbreak of Emotional Promiscuity

 

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First Date Advice

First Date Advice

Reader's Comment

Hi,

I'm 42 years old and I'm a bald, average, confident guy. After 24 years of marriage and being recently divorced, I'm thoroughly confused about dating and what women want.  I bought another dating book and was even more scared to do any of its suggestions. Then I bought your course, and coupled with watching the players in clubs, I knew Cocky & Funny was the answer. I used it successfully on over nine women, all resulting in them wanting much, much more than I was willing to give. They all call from time to time for fun!

Here is where I have the problem and it might help others trying for this type of relationship. I am single, and love my space and I want to have fun for a while and eventually marry again. I'm looking for her and it takes a while to see if she is "her." I get them hooked way too fast, and I'm not trying to do that. This is how it works out: Women are attracted to Cocky & Funny. They want fun and excitement; I think I know why they want the Funny part; for the fun things to do in life (too many boring guys out there), and the Cocky part piques their inner flames to what could happen as far as passion is concerned. And, when you are passionate with them, you have to be a Leader and show them you're a bad a boy -- as much as they can handle anyways. 

This has, in all instances so far, led them to call me and pursue me the next day and weeks after. They want a far deeper relationship. They want Cocky & Funny in their lives. These are not clingy people (7 to 9s; 24 to 44 years old) and profess to want to be friends first. E-mail is great as it has a way of helping them say things they wished they could say in person. Do you have any wisdom on how to do Cocky & Funny and not hit all of her senses?

Thanks Again

- J.

Response

You poor, poor dear. Sounds tough, really.

I think you're doing fine. You're on the right track, and I think that you're going to find an outstanding woman to have a long-term relationship with.

I personally think that the problem isn't the techniques you're using, it's that you're now seeing that you can choose a woman, rather than having her choose you -- and it's making you far more selective than you were in the past.

When you're seeing several attractive women at the same time, you begin to realize that you can have whatever you want. You no longer have to settle.

This has the effect of making you a lot pickier about what you'll tolerate -- and it makes you see negatives a lot more clearly in women.

Again, I think you're doing fine. Just stick with it and you'll find a great woman to marry again, if that's what you want.

TMS

Reader's Comment

Hi,

I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog -- very enlightening. I've always found myself attracting girls I'm not romantically interested in, while crashing and burning with the hotties. It was very confusing until I read your book. I realize now that I was a Wuss with the hotties by being a typical "nice guy," and that the more I acted indifferent with the girls I didn't like, the more they ate it up. You gave me a new perspective on what makes attraction work, and I'm glad to see that your book pointed out that you don't have to be a jerk to be successful.

My game has improved but it still requires some refining. Lately, I find I'm stalling out between the first and second date. So I'm wondering if I'm screwing up the date itself or the follow-through. Here are the steps I take after a date:

1. I call within two days to say I had a good time and basically make contact. I end the conversation first, and let her know I'll give her a shout in a couple of days -- just so I don't seem like I'm rushing into a second date.
2. I let two or three days pass and call to make arrangements for a second date. At this point I usually get a vague answer like: "Let's set something up for next week." And then it never happens.

Where is this falling apart, and what kind of follow-through do you use?

Thanks for the help,

-SF

Response

I'm going to have to guess at a few things, but I'll give it a shot.

From the sounds of it, you need to:

1. Stop with the "I had a good time" type comments when you call for a follow-up. You might experiment with waiting longer to call -- or waiting less time to call. See what works best for you. But don't be so "nice."
2. Do more things to make your date feel attraction. Use what you've learned to really turn the dial up. You might test progressing further on the first date -- maybe start getting physical more quickly.
3. Make sure you keep her laughing, and keep busting on her and treating her like a "friend" at first. Remember the idea of acting like she's your Bratty Little Sister.
   

It sounds like you're doing something on those first dates that's making the women resistant to seeing you again -- you need to figure out what it is and stop it.

TMS

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Dating Coworkers : Pros and Cons

Dating Coworkers : Pros and Cons

Young professionals often spend more time at the office than at home. As a result, there are a lot of single men and women who don't have the time to meet new people. Naturally, they seek their potential partners within their surrounding environment -- the office.

Single people feel that work is a natural place to meet new people. After all, you spend at least 40 hours a week there, with individuals of similar backgrounds and interests. Relationships with coworkers can be especially tempting because hard work doesn't leave much time for socializing.

 

 

Office Romance - The Good

There are many issues -- both positive and negative -- to consider before engaging in office romances. One of the positive aspects is time efficiency, since you no longer need to search for a significant other in the evening. Why look around for potential dates when you have an office full of beautiful women? You save both time and money.

A second advantage to dating someone in the workplace is that since you spend so many hours together at work, you already have an idea of what she's like. This can save you from lots of headaches down the road.

A final advantage, besides the sex, is that you can carpool. Not only do you get to spend the night together, you also save on gas. Wow, what are the chances that you could date women who would save you gas money?

Office Romance - The Bad

Office romances also have their drawbacks. For example, no matter how well the relationship is going, the situation itself is a recipe for disaster. The fact that couples are in constant contact with one another day and night may cause friction within the relationship. Everyone needs "alone time" to pursue hobbies or hang out with friends, and the lack thereof may cause relationships to self-destruct.

Office romances may interfere with individuals' abilities to perform their professional duties. Imagine telling your girlfriend that she's fired. There is obvious potential for conflicts of interest between office situations and relationships. Be sure to avoid accusations of favoritism, which may harm the morale of colleagues.

Jealousy is another negative issue. Because you must usually keep office relationships a secret, other employees may flirt with your partner or vice-versa. You have to keep in mind that this type of flirting is common and happens all the time in the workplace. So keep cool or the cat's out of the bag.

Office Romance - The Ugly

Before beginning a relationship, consider its potential outcomes. If things don't work out, will your work life become awkward? Prepare yourself for the unwanted situations that might follow. In order to be prepared, evaluate who's date-worthy, their position and the consequences of a breakup:

Dating colleagues: Rivalry and competition may harm the relationship. Uncomfortable situations may arise after the breakup when career advancement issues come into play.

Dating subordinates: False accusations of favoritism may arise, as well as accusations of sexual harassment after the breakup.

Dating bosses: False accusations of favoritism may arise. You may get fired after the breakup.

Guidelines for Success

Always remember; while inter-office dating is not necessarily illegal, many companies have policies against it. The tricky part regarding such policies is what defines dating. Most companies encourage friendships, so where's the line between friendship and dating? If you start dating someone in the office, who can you tell? Should you try to keep it a secret? What if someone finds out? Would it have been better if you had been honest with your coworkers from the get-go?

Here are a few preventative guidelines to help develop a successful office romance without falling into any pitfalls or lawsuits.

• Adhere to the "one year" rule by only gradually letting a workplace or business acquaintance become a friend. Even then, try to keep it a casual friendship.
• Be careful if you are new at a job or in an extraordinary situation (like a trade show or a conference) and someone seems overly friendly, prying into the intimate details of your personal life.
• Test your business friend with "low risk" trust tests, to see how reliable they are. Is something you shared repeated to others? Are you discovering references from private conversations being mentioned in staff meetings? Does the new friendship seem equal and reciprocal or one-sided?
• You can be friendly in the workplace without jeopardizing your career; you don't have to reveal your family secrets to make friends.

Things You Should Never Say

• Anything you would not want repeated on the evening news or read about in a newspaper.
• The sexual prowess of your romantic partner as well as any former sexual liaisons.
• Business topics that are unethical or indiscreet.
• Bad-mouthing, or anything disparaging about clients
  

E-mail communications present a new challenge to discretion in business relationships. There is something about e-mail that makes men and women let down their guards, so before hitting the send button on your computer, reread your message and make sure that it is appropriate for a business environment.

Workplace Flings

Office romances can be fun, and successful -- a growing number of newlyweds are coworkers. They should take the proper steps, however, to ensure that the relationship will last without interfering in the workplace. Finally, they should also consider the consequences of breaking up with a colleague before beginning the relationship.

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Killing The Mood

Killing The Mood

For all the guys out there who think women play mind games when it comes to sex -- first they are into you, and the next second they’re not -- consider this: it may not be them, it could be you. If you have had a good date, are into a decent makeout session and all of a sudden your girl has to "get up early" and heads home, you may have inadvertently ruined the mood.

Here are the top 10 ways guys ruin the mood.

No.10 - Bad music

As you dim the lights and turn on a little mood music, choose the tunes carefully. Music relays a message about where the night is headed. Avoid anything too girly (Madonna, Avril Lavigne, Miley Cyrus) and steer clear of the clichés ("Let’s Get It On," "Sexual Healing," "I Wanna Sex You Up"). While rock music can make sex exciting, "Smack My Bitch Up" and anything by Nine Inch Nails should not be used on a first date.

No.9 - Answering the phone

Do not, under any circumstances, stop a make-out session to answer the phone. In fact, if you go back to your place at the end of a date, turn your phone off. Interruptions can really put a damper on things, and if it is your mom calling, your girl is probably putting on her jacket already.

No.8 - Groping

You should have left messy groping behind in the 10th grade. Simply grabbing at her boobs with your tongue hanging out won’t cut it. By now, you should know what to do. Moving randomly from body part to body part is confusing and never gives your girl a chance to get into it. Move slowly from one body part to the next -- lightly touching at first, then with more passion.

No.7 - Begging

A girl most likely makes up her mind before the date regarding how far she is willing to go, but you do have a chance to change her mind. At the end of the night, give her a good kiss that takes her breath away. This is when she might reconsider going home with you. If she still isn’t interested, do not whine or beg. If you beg, you will never get a second chance --ever.

No.6 - Being selfish

It takes time to get a woman going. She needs kissing, touching, caressing, and more than two minutes to reach orgasm. If you have moved past the make-out stage and the clothes are coming off, take time to focus on her. If you aren’t satisfying her, she could get frustrated (or bored) and call it a night.

No.5 - Bad kissing

It doesn’t matter how hot a guy is, if he can’t kiss, he isn’t going past first base. When you lean in for the first end-of-the-date kiss, remember to control your tongue. Don’t lick her teeth, chin, cheeks, forehead, etc., and try not to stick it down her throat.

No.4 - Bad conversation

Giving a little verbal praise is always appreciated, but too many “Oh babys” can really kill the mood. Going over-the-top with chatter comes across as fake and forced. Just be natural. If things are really heating up, don’t ask too many questions: “Do you like it when I kiss you?” “Does my hand feel good there?” You shouldn’t have to ask; her reactions will tell you if you are doing a good job.

No.3 - Heading straight for home

You can’t cross the plate without making stops at first, second and third. Do not hand her a glass of wine, turn on some music, lower the lights and then stick your hand in her pants.

No.2 - Asking for permission

Most girls like a man who knows how to take charge, so when you ask for permission every step of the way you come across as a wimp. Asking; “Can I kiss you?” at the end of a date, or “Is this OK?” when kissing comes across as weak. You might as well ask: “Can I grow a pair?” Assess the situation; if she's really into it, man up and take the plunge.

No.1 - Managing her moves

Newsflash: Girls know you want them to touch your penis. If you are making out at home, 20 minutes have passed, and she still has not made a grab for the crotch area, chances are, she isn’t going to. Therefore, do not pull her hand toward your genitals, and do not grab the back of her head and push her down. Women are not stupid, and after the head grab she will most likely blow you off -- and not in the way you had hoped.

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Facebook Players

Facebook Players

In this new age of rapid-fire communication via electronics, an individual like the Player can’t mindlessly adopt every new trend that comes along without considering the benefits and consequences. The likes of Facebook, MySpace and Twitter have allowed us all to keep tabs on one another, and while this can be used to the Player’s advantage, he must also use the same strategy he employs in other areas of his love life. It’s not about simply putting yourself out there to brag about your conquests (and reel in more); it’s about playing the field appropriately in a virtual landscape. This requires a surprising amount of maintenance and precision because even the slightest slip up can fly across the internet at shocking speeds -- much to your chagrin. One day, some random girl you’ve never met before and who claims to be “a friend of a friend of a friend” gives you a nasty look followed by the cold shoulder. We’re here today to avoid such frustration.

Not everything should be public knowledge

You do have plenty of control over your profile and what visitors can see, so it’s best to keep certain things private. Whether it’s Facebook or MySpace, you need to limit the scope of your personal experiences and lifestyle. Simply give visitors a taste without launching into some ill-advised relation of your latest escapade. One has to remember that the Player is discreet; he is not the loud-mouthed, obnoxious braggart who will tell anyone with functional ears just how many women he has picked up. This is adolescent behavior and the true ladies' man kisses and never tells. Now, virtual social services are dangerous because it may seem less personal; it may seem more private because you’re sitting alone with nothing but a screen in front of you. But it’s best to picture that screen as thousands of pairs of greedy eyes.

Not everyone gets full access

If you’re familiar with the communication services talked about here, you know you can give people varying degrees of access to your page. If you prefer, you can keep some of the more sensitive material under wraps and only provide full access to those you trust -- those who won’t take that information and use it for malicious purposes. People you just met last weekend -- especially females -- should only get basic access, which merely includes a few photos, the essential information and maybe a simple anecdote or two. All it does is explain more about you; it doesn’t open the vault and let perfect strangers into the furthest recesses of your mind and memories. But you’ll also have safe bets in your little black book, such as Player-loving women who have proved to be equally discreet and always appreciative of your charms. They deserve to see all of that MySpace page.

No online stalking

There’s something to be said for being able to visit someone’s Facebook page and learning more about them (after all, that’s the purpose of such a service), but this can easily trip over the line into virtual stalking if you’re not careful. Again, because there’s a lack of personality when it comes to a computer screen, it’s easy to assume you aren’t doing anything wrong; when in fact, what you’re doing is downright creepy. It’s not that far removed from watching the woman’s house or rifling through her mail. That may be a bit of an exaggeration, and the “stalking” aspect is more indirect as the stalker is never actually seen (ideally), but that doesn’t make it acceptable. If you’re one of those guys who thinks that all you need is a virtual profile and an e-mail address to get a woman’s attention, you had best reassess and flex some real social muscle at the club. If you’re rejected, it’s over. Don’t keep visiting her MySpace page. Seriously.

Friends aren’t always “friends”

There’s a strange trend floating around in the virtual universe. It seems like every last human a person crosses gets added to his or her "friends" list. In fact, to say you have a bigger friends list than anyone you know is like a badge of honor -- except that when you don’t even know the last name of 90% of those “friends,” it’s just an illusion. Be selective. The more selective you are, the less you have to worry about certain information suddenly circulating around the local bars and clubs, thereby casting you in an unsavory light. If you’d rather not go to the trouble of limiting access to your profile and you’re a big fan of loading up your favorite virtual spaces, then you absolutely must restrict your friends list to "real" friends. Recent conquests only qualify if they become legitimate bed buddies.

Keep your “Tweets” under control

Essentially, Twitter is like a public IM. You have the space for 140 characters to let everyone know what you’ve done, what you’re doing or what you’re going to do. The Player often wonders why this holds such fascination for people, but the bottom line is that “Tweets” are now a part of the communication world. But while you might find it amusing to post something insulting or degrading concerning a certain female who has recently snubbed you, resist the urge. If you really have to divulge sensitive information, Twitter is the last place you should turn to. Keep that information restricted to the appropriate venues (say, personal conversations with friends). In general, it might be a good idea to avoid Tweeting about girls you’re currently dating, because they frown on such public exposure.

The new rules

Social networking online is huge these days, but it’s easy to get in over your head. Keep a careful eye on the virtual proceedings, and also, be sure to pay attention to your onscreen reputation. News carries faster than ever, and if you make a mistake, dozens -- even hundreds -- could know about it within seconds. So control, maintain, update with caution, and use all that feedback you might find on MySpace and Facebook to your advantage.

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Competing For Women

Competing For Women

What should a guy do when another guy is competing for the same woman?

One of the ULTIMATE ways to handle situations like these is very simple: HAVE FUN.

The thing that really screws things up for most guys when this happens is letting it take them off balance... and screwing up their composure.

By laughing it off, or even making fun of the guys who are trying to make their move, you wind up coming off even MORE powerful.

Why does a woman often call a man out of the blue after not hearing from him for several weeks?

There's something about walking away from a woman, not calling her, etc., that triggers some sort of mechanism that causes her to call at the most unlikely times.

My experience is that there's some kind of two- to four-week timer in a woman's head that goes off if she doesn't hear from you.

Again, I have no explanation for this particular bizarre pattern, but it has happened to me so many times that I can't believe it.

Women who have guys calling them day and night will be walking through their house one evening and all of a sudden think, "Where is that one guy? I have to call him... Why isn't he calling me?"

Of course, as this begins to happen, you can take this as a strong signal that you're beginning to REALLY get the ideas I talk about.

If I'm talking to two women, and I don't know which one I like, what should I do? I don't want to screw it up and offend one of them. And if it doesn't work out with one of them, would it be cool to be able to switch to the other? Which one should I get the e-mail and number from?"

BOTH, DUH.

The ultimate way to handle two or three or more women that are all beautiful and interesting is to say, "You know, you guys are EQUALLY DORKY, so instead of just rejecting all of you, I'll let you all give me your numbers, and maybe we can hang out sometime... and I can teach you how to be cool like me..."

When you just relax, have fun and approach the situation casually, you can walk away with ALL of the women's numbers.

And guess what?

Attractive women know OTHER attractive women. If it doesn't work out with one, she'll know 10 more.

Think big, act big and you'll reap big rewards.

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Top 10 : Get Her Thinking Of You

Top 10 : Get Her Thinking Of You

Top 10 Ways To Get Her Thinking Of You

No.10 - Use "little things" to woo her

There are a ton of “little things” that women look for to help them make big decisions about what kind of man you are. They instantly tell women whether or not you are worthy of a second thought. Maintaining eye contact, strong posture, not fidgeting; all of these are great things for you to pay attention to. By the way, women make these decisions on a subconscious level. They don't look at a guy, then say to a friend: "Well, he maintained eye contact when I first looked at him, then he held his head up high in a dominant posture, so, I'm going to give him a chance." Practice these simple steps and a woman will naturally want to spend more time with you.

No.9 - Break the ice online

Women aren't interested in being bored to tears by some guy who says: "Hi, here's my profile, please let me know if you're interested in knowing more." They want a challenge, they want electricity and they want someone who can hold their interest. So, be cocky, funny and playful. Say something like: "Saw your profile and I think you deserve a chance to get to know me. I think we could get along well. If you are interested, (which I know you will be) drop me a line, and if you sound as interesting as your profile says I might write back. " Women aren't interested in finding another friend when it comes to dating and romance. They want someone who makes them feel attraction.

No.8 - Get tons of dates

When guys get a woman’s number, we often start to feel weird about turning right around, talking to another woman, and getting her number too. We don't want to be seen as a "player" or insincere. My advice? Get over it. If you enjoy talking to a woman, and you'd like to get her number and go talk to other women, just say: "Here, write down your e-mail and number. I'm going to get back to being social." Women will see you as more interesting if you are talking to all of the women at the party.

No.7 - Get her number easily

Most guys are very nervous about approaching and starting conversations with women. However, if you can just realize that women want to meet men, and that they want men to approach them, it makes you consider that women probably want guys who aren't acting nervous and insecure. So, be direct and use what I call the "One Compliment" approach. Try saying, "Hi, you are... [pause]... beautiful and I had to take a moment and meet you." The pause is priceless. Look directly into her eyes as you talk -- and as you pause. This communicates that you're not afraid of her. Make small talk for a minute, then ask for her number. Easy.

No.6 - Go to a physical level

It’s important that you learn how to go from one stage to the next with a woman. Let’s say you’re at a bar or club and you meet a girl you really like and you start kissing. You can say, “Hey, come with me," and then take her hand and lead her to another part of the club or bar, or take her to the dance floor (or some combination), and then start kissing again. Then say: "Hey, I'm going to this other bar, come along with me." Once you're there, you continue all of the way until closing, when you say: "Hey, let's keep talking; this is fun. Give me a ride home..."

No.5 - Go to a physical level - take two

A woman wants to feel that things are developing naturally, not that you are just trying to get her into bed as fast as you can. If the evening unfolds in a normal, natural way, and you can progress from one level to the next, you'll do very well and go far. Why do you lead her to another part of the club and then take her somewhere else? Physically leading a woman is very powerful, and leaving together/showing up somewhere else together changes things. When you arrive at the new place, even though you're the same two people who just met, you're now together at the new place. And when you suggest continuing to talk, and her giving you a ride home (or some variation), it's not like saying: "Come shag me." You're making it clear that you want to spend time with her, and it leaves the possibility of anything happening open.

No.4 - Be more than just a friend

When a woman says, "I only like you as a friend" or "I've been hurt, so I want to take this slow" or "I like you so much, I don't want to lose you as a friend" -- or any of the million variations of these things -- it usually  means that you're not doing the things it takes to create attraction. She doesn't feel it for you. And if she doesn't feel it, then there are no shortcuts, my man. Stop being such a "nice" guy, and start doing the things you're learning from me to spark some chemistry.

No.3 - Reverse your role

One of the best ways to tease a woman -- and amp up the attraction -- is to use "reverse gender stereotypes." If a woman says, "Give me your number" you can say: "Look, I'm not that easy... Don't think that just because I give you my number that I'm going to go out with you or sleep with you." Or, if you're talking to a woman at a bar and the conversation is going well, you can say: "OK, let's just cut to the chase: Are you going to offer to buy me a drink or what?" Attractive women instantly connect with the humor because you're turning around situations that they have had happen to them all of the time and making something funny out of them.

No.2 - Know when not to tease

Playfully teasing a woman is a great way to show you’re not at all intimidated by her. It’s not about hurting a woman, making her feel bad or being abusive in any way. But, there are times when you shouldn’t tease, like when you’re getting physically intimate. Most people let their emotional guard down during the process of having sex, and it's probably not a good time to tease and bust on a woman. That's my two cents on the subject.

No.1 - Keep her once you get her

I think that too many guys make the mistake of assuming that it's all about getting the girl, and they put far too little emphasis on keeping a great girl once they find one. The fact is, until you're in a situation where you've found a great woman who you'd like to keep in your life, you won't realize just how important it is to know how  to keep her. Let’s say a woman you really like tells you she’s thinking about seeing an ex-boyfriend of hers. Instead of freaking out, tell her she has your blessing to check it out. Tests like this one can be a pain, but this is reality, and we have to deal with it when it shows up. I've been in many situations with women where I've felt like a jealous, insecure Wussbag myself -- I get it. If you’re prepared, you’ll pass the test and keep the girl you really want.

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MILF or DILF?

MILF or DILF?

For decades, the inter-gender relationship dynamic was set: older man, younger woman. There are a variety of theories on why: Men are more visual, opting for younger healthier women; females are more emotional, opting for men with more experience; older men offer women more stability; women mature faster than men; daddy issues; his first two wives died during childbirth; etc.

However, this dynamic began to skew with the sexual revolution of the '60s, evidenced famously in pop culture by Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate. Gradually, cinema followed with other examples: Harold and Maude, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Y tu mamá también, Notes on a Scandal, Sex and the City. Mainstream culture caught on and suddenly it became so hip for women to take younger guys that teachers everywhere began sleeping with their students (something AskMen.com does not condone, but, c’mon, it is kind of awesome). The term "cougar," sadly, has entered everyday vernacular and now there’s even a Courtney Cox sitcom called Cougar Town on ABC. Now you know the idea has been beaten to death if ABC is jumping on board.

Nowadays, the question is not whether dating an older women is appropriate, fun or sexy. The real question has become whether this is a passing fancy, or will it surpass the ancient dynamic of older man/younger woman? Here we answer, definitively, which is better. We consider younger women to be between 18 and 25 years old. Older women are 33 to 45. Anything younger is illegal and any older is like doing your mom.

Should you date an older or younger woman? We have six criteria for you to consider.

Body

Let’s state the obvious, younger women tend to have better bodies. Their metabolisms are still high, no stress lines have set in, and their skin is full of collagen and elasticity. However, let’s not completely rule out older women here. They have their own bank accounts with which they can pay for personal trainers and Botox. Many men still sneer at the idea of any cosmetic surgery, but we’re entering a time when people can maintain their looks, not change them. Most women won’t turn into Joan Rivers. However, a young girl can pound beers and grab late-night nachos with you and not wear it on her ass the next day.

Winner: Younger women (due to late-night nacho clause)

Sex

The knee-jerk reaction here is to think college co-eds juxtapose sorority girls in porn flicks. That’s not the case. The truth of the matter is most younger women don’t have much experience. "The virgin" sounds great until you realize how awkward and nervous she becomes between the sheets. How many guys at 30 just want to make out for hours? Sure, younger women tend to have more energy than their older counterparts and there is something fun about being the person that teaches them new positions. For years, she’ll think you’re better in bed than you actually are just because she lacks comparison. However, older women know what they want; they’re more confident and more likely to get freaky. Hell, she’ll buy you a drink and she’ll expect something in return.

Winner: Older women

Don't go anywhere, there's still more to consider when wrestling with the question: Should you date an older or younger woman?

Income

Younger women don’t have a lot of options for work at their age. Most are in college, working in the service industry or just starting their entry-level position. Strippers have cash, but that’s a whole other problem. As a man, you should pay for date night, but you don’t want her hitting you up when she misses rent. If she bartends, do you want to be the guy on the end of the bar every night waiting for her? Young 20-something’s aren’t going to be familiar with your strife to become middle management. Older women will appreciate talks about career highs and lows. Plus, she’ll be more likely to pick up a few tabs, for women’s equality sake, and will surprise you with great gifts. She’s definitely had her share of boyfriends, so she knows men prefer a new iPhone over a mix CD.

Winner: Older women

Relationship baggage

Any woman in her 30s or above has been treated poorly by a number of men. Unfortunately, that means you have to answer for all that mistreatment, and prove you’re not an asshole like the others, plus live up to the high water mark of being her last good boyfriend. That’s a lot of pressure. Younger women are blank slates. All you have to do is prove you’re better than her high school boyfriend. Easy, you drive a car worth more than $12,000. Older women are thinking serious commitments and babies. Younger women are in the moment. Just don’t get too hung up on the youthful ones, she’ll drop everything and follow her yoga instructor to Belize tomorrow.

Winner: Younger women

Discovery factor

Inevitably, the first question that guys ask after you tell them you’re dating a woman 10 years younger is: “What the hell are you going to talk about?” With the internet and availability of information, the pop culture divide is not what it used to be. It’s easier for older people to stay current on music, fashion and trends, but younger women live to stay current on popular culture. She’ll update your clothes, music and lingo quicker than 50 Google searches. Also, her events calendar will likely be packed with fun things to do, which keeps the relationship fresh. DVDs of Lost are fun sometimes, but not all the time.

Winner: Younger women

Power balance

This category isn’t even close. Younger women will look up to you and you’ll be the boss in the relationship. A number of older women who are still single are career oriented. They are used to being the boss at work and her brain is set to her ways. The brain of a young woman is like a sponge and you can pretty much squeeze whatever you want into it.

Winner: Younger women

And the overall winner is...

Sorry older women. You’ve come very far in the last 10 years, but younger women are still beating you right now. Be happy you’ve made such strides, and in another 10 years it may be even closer yet. Guys, don’t count the older women out. They can obviously teach you some important things -- just don’t come whining to us when they boss you around.

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Single Parents : Dating Do's & Dont's

Single Parents : Dating Do's & Dont's

 

Congratulations! You, the Renaissance single father, met a fabulous single mom. The coffee date -- with all that smiling and laughing at each other’s jokes -- was a supreme success. Then you went to a movie together and were turned on by the fact that you both like extra butter on your popcorn. Finally, you both took the giant risk of chewing food together over a dazzling new white tablecloth and she loved the way you took control of the wine list.

As you are two single parents who know a lot about how to make the most of your time, your date immediately accepted your invitation to “come visit” after dinner. You didn’t even have to come up with a reason, such as, “I have this great collection of African masks.” As a single parent you’ve learned the value of getting right to the point and, as such, you had no problem with simply being honest and asking her if she’d like to come in. She accepted your straight-forward invitation -- the ultimate turn-on for a woman is honesty -- and now you know that you’re going to have sex.

Just as the single-parent lifestyle is different from the regular singles lifestyle, so are the dos and don’ts of single-parent sex.

Here is my list of recommendations.

Don’t: Assume she’s a desperate single mom.

Do: Assume she needs you to go slowly.

Women are better at certain things than men are, and turning off the “sex tap” is one of them. I’ve heard of women who have turned this tap off not for months, but for years. The last thing she wants is for you to come on like gangbusters and not consider that she might need to start slowly. Just because she agreed to have sex with you doesn’t mean she agreed to rush it.

You have everything to gain by being patient and letting her take the lead. You have everything to lose by showing her from the get-go that you’re not tuned into her body rhythm and that you don’t care about her feelings.

Don’t: Assume she wants to hear about your ex.

Do: Assume she wants to be the only woman in your mind.

Even though you both have exes, the bedroom is no place to discuss past angst. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you will turn her on by mentioning your ex in a less-than-positive light. She only wants to know that, at that moment, in your bed, you only have one woman on your mind -- her! In fact, she wants to feel like she’s the first woman to ever be in your bed. Get it?

Don’t: Assume you need to be a great experimental lover.

Do: Assume that it’s back to basics.

Oh, aren’t you the fancy-schmancy lover boy? And so progressive too! You know all about the best vibrators on the market -- the ones that guarantee you’ll hit her G-spot -- and you’re totally up to speed on the newest warming gels that make winter lovemaking more comfortable. OK, I give you credit: Toys can be a great addition to your sex menu for many reasons, including the fact that sometimes it’s just fine for a vibrator to give you an extra hand.

What should you do if you’re interrupted by the kids and how should you handle contraception?

But don’t assume that your single-mom lover wants to get fancy from the get-go. Again, get a sense of where she’s coming from. Do you have the basics down pat? Have you kissed a lot? Are you able to tell each other what you like? And have you actually become friends? Toys require trust -- and you know darn well that you need to be friends before you can trust.

Don’t: Assume your sex won’t be “intercourse interruptus.”

Do: Assume that the children -- hers or yours -- come first.

You’re in the middle of getting some great oral sex. She likes you so much that she has really been taking her time with you and you’re almost there -- so close. But then Murphy’s Sex Law kicks in: Her cell phone, which she discreetly placed on your night table, rings. Your lover doesn’t hesitate to answer. Your penis is now fluttering in the wind, not at half-mast, but at no mast! Why? It’s the babysitter. Your lover’s son cut his finger and needs to go to the emergency room for a stitch or two. So what do you do? Do you show a nanosecond of angst or disappointment? Not on your life, my friend. Instead, you say, “Baby, that’s OK, I understand. Your son always comes first. I completely understand.”

Aside from the fact that it’s the right thing to say, there will be a huge payoff next time around. It’s likely to go something like this: “Now where were we? Oh yes, I remember now. I guess I’ll just have to make up for last time.” She’ll make your mast one that Russell Crowe in Master and Commander would be proud of.

Don’t: Assume she wants to be a single mom again.

Do: Assume you should have condoms.

I don’t think I need to explain anything here. I will, however, add this: It never hurts to have a medical document in your drawer that shows that your recent STD tests are immaculate. She’ll feel much more relaxed about what’s coming next and love you for being so responsible.

Don’t: Assume that single-parent sex needs to be serious.

Do: Assume that it can be a lot of fun and playful.

There’s something unique about the relationship that a single parent has with their child. It’s so focused and one-on-one simply because you’re often their only home-based playmate. The positive aspect of this is that your child has taught you one of life’s most important lessons: Life should be fun and it should be about “playing.” How many times have you asked your child, “What did you do today?” only to hear that one-word reply, ”Play.” Take their lesson to heart. As a single parent you know how important it is to play, so play with your sex life and have fun!

Get back in the game

Sex as a single parent can be stressful at first, but you'll get back into the swing of things in no time. Just remember to relax and enjoy yourself.

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What's Your Type of Chick?

What's Your Type of Chick?

If you frequently have problems with the women you date, the source of your troubles could be the bad taste blues. Certain types of women inherently carry certain problems. If you find yourself facing similar challenges with different dates, perhaps you're barking up the wrong trees. First, diagnose your taste in women. Then determine if your usual type is worth the trouble. Who do you fancy?

1. Lindsay Lohan: If you have a liking for Lindsay Lohan, you probably are addicted to drama queens. Some women can never be happy or content with a relationship. . .or their body image. . .or their life. So, in the absence of trouble, this type of girl will cause trouble. Small problems become enormous insurmountable challenges. Spilt milk becomes a reason to get emotional, cry and maybe purge a little. Any of this sound familiar? If you find yourself constantly struggling to keep your girl happy, perhaps you're dating a drama diva. If you thrive on rollercoaster relationships, keep on riding. If you desire a more steady, even keel when dating, jump ship now.





2. Britney Spears: If you like Britney Spears, perhaps you have a hankering for trailer-park bred gals. Trailer chicks are generally simple women with simple goals. They dream of making a nice home (however modest), breeding like a rabbit, and rearing their offspring in a haphazard, laughable way. On the upside, life will never be terribly complicated. On the downsides, you should expect very little in the ways of intellectual stimulation, grace and ambition. If you find yourself bored, irritated or sometimes embarrassed by your girl, you're probably dating a small town or trailer park lass. If you're just in it for the trailer park ta-tas, snack away. If you desire something more than a good romp, sniff around a different neighborhood. PS: Remember, most trailer park girls don't carry a checkbook like Britney.



3. Catherine Zeta Jones: If you are jonesing for Catherine Zeta Jones, you have a thing for bodacious babes. Catherine is a dynamic woman who has the style, smarts, sophistication, skills and curves that can kill. What's the problem then? She doesn't need you. The keynote of bodacious babes is independence. You have to be so secure in your manhood, you can drive around in a yellow VW bug with a bright pink flower in the dash and not feel the least bit threatened. If you feel jealous or like you're always competing with your gal, you're probably dating out of your league. Catherine had so much trouble finding a guy in her age range that could manage her, she had to jump up a few age brackets. Listen to Toni Braxton and ask yourself, 'are you man enough for me?'

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