First Date Advice

First Date Advice

Reader's Comment

Hi,

I'm 42 years old and I'm a bald, average, confident guy. After 24 years of marriage and being recently divorced, I'm thoroughly confused about dating and what women want.  I bought another dating book and was even more scared to do any of its suggestions. Then I bought your course, and coupled with watching the players in clubs, I knew Cocky & Funny was the answer. I used it successfully on over nine women, all resulting in them wanting much, much more than I was willing to give. They all call from time to time for fun!

Here is where I have the problem and it might help others trying for this type of relationship. I am single, and love my space and I want to have fun for a while and eventually marry again. I'm looking for her and it takes a while to see if she is "her." I get them hooked way too fast, and I'm not trying to do that. This is how it works out: Women are attracted to Cocky & Funny. They want fun and excitement; I think I know why they want the Funny part; for the fun things to do in life (too many boring guys out there), and the Cocky part piques their inner flames to what could happen as far as passion is concerned. And, when you are passionate with them, you have to be a Leader and show them you're a bad a boy -- as much as they can handle anyways. 

This has, in all instances so far, led them to call me and pursue me the next day and weeks after. They want a far deeper relationship. They want Cocky & Funny in their lives. These are not clingy people (7 to 9s; 24 to 44 years old) and profess to want to be friends first. E-mail is great as it has a way of helping them say things they wished they could say in person. Do you have any wisdom on how to do Cocky & Funny and not hit all of her senses?

Thanks Again

- J.

Response

You poor, poor dear. Sounds tough, really.

I think you're doing fine. You're on the right track, and I think that you're going to find an outstanding woman to have a long-term relationship with.

I personally think that the problem isn't the techniques you're using, it's that you're now seeing that you can choose a woman, rather than having her choose you -- and it's making you far more selective than you were in the past.

When you're seeing several attractive women at the same time, you begin to realize that you can have whatever you want. You no longer have to settle.

This has the effect of making you a lot pickier about what you'll tolerate -- and it makes you see negatives a lot more clearly in women.

Again, I think you're doing fine. Just stick with it and you'll find a great woman to marry again, if that's what you want.

TMS

Reader's Comment

Hi,

I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog -- very enlightening. I've always found myself attracting girls I'm not romantically interested in, while crashing and burning with the hotties. It was very confusing until I read your book. I realize now that I was a Wuss with the hotties by being a typical "nice guy," and that the more I acted indifferent with the girls I didn't like, the more they ate it up. You gave me a new perspective on what makes attraction work, and I'm glad to see that your book pointed out that you don't have to be a jerk to be successful.

My game has improved but it still requires some refining. Lately, I find I'm stalling out between the first and second date. So I'm wondering if I'm screwing up the date itself or the follow-through. Here are the steps I take after a date:

1. I call within two days to say I had a good time and basically make contact. I end the conversation first, and let her know I'll give her a shout in a couple of days -- just so I don't seem like I'm rushing into a second date.
2. I let two or three days pass and call to make arrangements for a second date. At this point I usually get a vague answer like: "Let's set something up for next week." And then it never happens.

Where is this falling apart, and what kind of follow-through do you use?

Thanks for the help,

-SF

Response

I'm going to have to guess at a few things, but I'll give it a shot.

From the sounds of it, you need to:

1. Stop with the "I had a good time" type comments when you call for a follow-up. You might experiment with waiting longer to call -- or waiting less time to call. See what works best for you. But don't be so "nice."
2. Do more things to make your date feel attraction. Use what you've learned to really turn the dial up. You might test progressing further on the first date -- maybe start getting physical more quickly.
3. Make sure you keep her laughing, and keep busting on her and treating her like a "friend" at first. Remember the idea of acting like she's your Bratty Little Sister.
   

It sounds like you're doing something on those first dates that's making the women resistant to seeing you again -- you need to figure out what it is and stop it.

TMS