Male Fetishes

Male Fetishes

Hi Man Shed,

What are the most common male fetishes, and are there more men into fetishes today than before? I want to see where I stand compared to other guys.

Thanks,

- Alan R., Middletown, NY

Fetishes have been around since the dawn of man. A good rule of thumb is that anything can be eroticized and made sexual. If you can think of it being a fetish, then it’s been done, from an inanimate object to a body part and everything in between.

The most popular male fetishes vary and often have something in common: proximity and accessibility. One often gravitates toward the turn-on and puts themselves within its reach. Common fetishes include feet, shoes, body parts, lingerie, and power exchange (domination/submission). Each of these is present in most daily activities and can be relatively easily accessed.

Today, less common male fetishes are becoming more popular with the internet. Those who once felt alone now find online communities and websites dedicated to their particular sexual interest. There is strength in numbers. No longer does the diaper fetishist need to feel isolated as there are websites filled with people with similar interests and admirers. Whatever you’re into, I guarantee there are people who get turned on by your fetish.

big girl attraction

Dear Man Shed,

I’m sick and tired of my guy friends making fun of me for liking big girls. It’s so annoying and I’m over the jokes. At first it was funny or whatever, but I’m over it. Why do I like larger women, and can I change this? I’m just not into skinny women.

- Robert P., Panama City Beach, FL

Why would you want to get rid of a blessing like this? You know what you want and what turns you on. Some people spend a lifetime still trying to figure this out with no luck. And, you’re not like every guy chasing the same stick figure model at the bar. You can focus your attention on a woman who may appreciate your efforts more.

A little more cushion for the pushin’ is becoming more popular as a mainstream desire. The waif look is dying fast and curves are making a comeback. I’m not sure what your definition of a larger woman is, but does it really matter? We like what we like and rather than focusing on how to change your attraction, why not focus on becoming comfortable and confident with your attraction.

Friends give each other a hard time about a lot of things, and the more strength and resilience you show them, the more likely they’ll give up on their criticisms and judgments. I know they’ll call you names like chubby chaser, but don’t let it get to you. Find a larger woman who makes you feel excited and fulfilled. Eventually, you’ll teach your friends that happiness can be found in a variety of shapes and sizes. Besides, how well has chasing the stick figures worked out for your friends?

cheating girlfriend

Hey Manshed,

My girlfriend of two years just told me that she slept with somebody else a few weeks ago when she went away for the weekend with her girlfriends. I’m so mad at her. Right now I love her and I hate her -- I mostly hate her. I go back and forth with both of these thoughts, and I can’t decide what to do.

I’m staying with my parents right now because I can’t live under the same roof as her. I don’t know if I should stay or leave her. Everyone gives me the same lines -- follow your heart or everything happens for a reason or something like that. Can you give me some straight advice and not the fluffy generic comments?

Thanks, I really appreciate it.

- Anonymous

OK, advice minus fluff coming right up. She made a big mistake. We know this. But she told you and was honest about her mistake. That’s something to consider and respect in my book. She could have lied or said nothing. Even though trust has been shattered, her honesty should count for something.

Take into consideration the past two years. Was it a healthy, happy, pleasant two years or one filled with fights and unhappiness? Did she earn the right to a second chance over those two years? No matter what, eventually you have to get over this. You get to decide if you’re going to get through this with her in your life or without her. You make the choice. Can you see yourself with her long-term, even forever? If you can, be careful not to let your ego and stubbornness fuel your decision. Everlasting love is something that shouldn’t be given up on so easily. If you never saw yourselves growing old together, then what are you really debating here? Pack up and move on.

One last thing, if you have any skeletons in your closet, consider cutting her some slack. You know what I’m talking about. Remember the Latin stripper from last summer’s Las Vegas bachelor party that you’re never supposed to talk about?

backdoor lovin'

Hello The Man Shed,

My wife and I have been experimenting with anal sex and we try to follow the suggestions of how to make it safe and pleasurable. We read that it is not wise to use an enema as the chemicals can be harmful to the lining of the rectum. She is following a good diet that is high in fiber and we make sure she has a bowel movement before we begin anal sex. However, there is still some fecal matter left and this makes her uncomfortable, more anxious, which impacts penetration. Any suggestions?

- Mark V., Miami, FL

Wow. You sound extremely knowledgeable about anal sex and I’m happy you’re both experimenting with it. Everything you described is great preparation and you’re well on your way to having some great anal sex. We’ve been conditioned to be self-conscious about our bowels, so it’s understandable that it can trigger some anxiety.

My one-year-old niece takes the largest diaper dump in the history of mankind, and the family talks and laughs about it, yet the slightest trace of feces during sex paralyzes us with shame or anxiety. You’re right about certain chemicals in enema solutions that can be irritating to the rectal lining. One thing you can do is use a water enema. Humans are primarily made of water and there’s nothing harmful about a little room-temperature water up your bum. For water enemas, take the advice of your shampoo ingredients: Rinse and repeat. You can purchase an enema bulb at most pharmacies/drugstores or sex novelty shops. There are even attachments you can purchase that connect to your shower. This should do the trick and hopefully lead to less anxious anal encounters.


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Women & Anal Sex : Loves & Hates

Women & Anal Sex : Loves & Hates

Anal sex is just one of those things: She either loves it, or she hates it. There is very little in between. Most women have tried it at some point, and a fair few of them will never dare again despite their hankering to be one of the "lucky ones" who love anal sex. The reason for this avoidance is clear: pain. If there was no pain, there was probably pleasure. Hence, love or hate.

It is true, however, that while you're trying to "get it right" there are likely to be some painful moments; however, practice makes perfect and it’s the ability to maneuver oneself and try different styles that allows anal sex to be pleasurable.

We've decided to let you in on what women love and hate about anal sex so that you can enter the situation sufficiently informed and ready to rock her world.  

the allure of anal sex

For men and women, anal sex is a different, tighter sensation -- it’s a little bit naughty and it provides some variety to normal sex. Anal sex has a tang of taboo attached to it, though this is falling away: The taboo status of anal sex gives it better credence among the adventuresome and timid alike, and this adds to its attraction. Once tried, however, anal sex can quickly lose its appeal for women (and some men). Here we will discuss some of the reasons why women love and hate anal sex.

why does she love anal sex?

Let’s start with the positives: 

Because anal sex feels good

Women love anal sex because it can feel absolutely incredible. It's different in sensation and it doesn’t feel like anything else she may have felt before -- it's deep inside, it's not her clitoris and is not in her vagina, but feels strangely like both in a sort of mixed-up combination in another part of her body. The rectum, once it’s ready, literally swallows the penis up and can’t get enough. The back passage transforms itself into a sexual playground. If the clitoris and/or vagina are stimulated while you are inside of her, it can take her to another sexual realm. Anal orgasms are possible.

Because anal sex is naughty

People love to be a little bit naughty sometimes, and anal sex is one of those things you can do completely privately, and nobody will ever know you were naughty except you and your partner -- which is part of the fun. It is also often a "first time for everything" type of activity that can also be nice -- doing something you've never done before, ever. 

why does she hate anal sex?

Now for what goes wrong:

Because anal sex hurts

Anal sex is not easy to master when you haven’t done it before. For a man it may seem straightforward -- in, out -- but it isn’t this simple. Women hate anal sex primarily because it hurts. It can cause cold sweats, shivers, extreme agony, and a massive chemical release into the blood stream that causes pain. This is highly unpleasant, but may be endured because A) She wants to like it; and B) She wants you to like it.

If you're not very careful, if you don’t warm her up properly, if you don’t go slowly enough, you will probably hurt her. This really minimizes your chances for trying anal sex again. Do your best every time and you have at least a fighting chance at having another go. 

Because she's worried about a mess

Anal sex is obviously a hot spot for mess. The idea that you could penetrate her butt and come out in a sticky situation is hugely embarrassing for her before it’s even happened, and for this reason she may avoid anal sex altogether. Women spend so much time making themselves look and smell beautiful that to have something ruin her hard work can be mildly devastating. Worrying about mess can be alleviated by using an anal douche before engaging in any anal play. Try taking a shower together too, and make sure her bowels are emptied at least an hour before starting.

important facts about anal sex

Lubricant is essential

The anal canal does not produce its own lubricant, so it is imperative that you use a good quality lubricant in all your anal adventures. It is advisable to use a silicon-based lubricant because they tend to last longer and don’t dry up very quickly like some water-based lubricants do. Don’t use sticky petroleum-based products like Vaseline, as they clog up the walls of the rectum and are much too sticky.

Tease her

It is important that she is very turned on before you even go near her butt. When she's turned on, her body is much more open to you than if she is only mildly turned on. She needs to be aching for you to touch her there. Then, when you start to touch her closer to her anus, she will respond with moans and groans instead of a tense grimace. Rub her body all over with oils, relax her, love her, adore her, and caress her. Get her to the point where she is begging you for it, and do this without putting a single thing in her -- tease, tease, tease. Anticipation is one of the greatest sexual tools you have -- use it to your advantage. 

Condoms and hygiene

Disease can be passed through unprotected sex -- this includes anal sex. The wall of the rectum is very thin and permeable. However, using condoms can be better for both partners, for other reasons. Women may not like to have a bottom full of semen, which quite frankly is a fair call. After the disruptions of anal sex, the semen mixes with the contents of the rectum and it can get a little "upset" in there. Using a condom avoids this trouble.

Condoms may also protect the penis from any stray fecal matter, though this is generally not a problem, and if it does occur can be washed off easily with no harm done. Men may like to wear a condom so they last a bit longer -- the condom desensitizes the penis somewhat, and allows for longer lovemaking. 

what not to do

Do not ever put your penis into a woman’s body without her express permission. Do not treat her body like a scoring device. She is not an object for you to ejaculate in or on, and if she is kind enough to share her beautiful butt with you, treat it with respect and be happy you were allowed close enough to breathe her in at all. Don’t ejaculate inside of her if requested not to. Don’t slam, jackhammer or be forceful either. 

what to always do

Always use lube. Always wear a condom if requested to without acting like a baby. Do as you are asked at all times -- anal sex is a delicate situation and she needs to be able to trust you. 

Gender presumptions and anal sex

When a heterosexual couple thinks of anal sex, it is generally man-in-woman anal sex. To get a good understanding of what it's like -- and how to improve your performance -- it is necessary and helpful for you to open your mind to the possibility that anal sex is not something that only you do to your female lover, but something that you could do to each other.

Scared yet? Don’t be. If it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander. Anal sex takes a lot of practice to perfect, and experimenting with one another is a fantastic way to deepen your connection and enhance your sex life and relationship. It does not have to involve sex toys. You can use fingers, tongues, oils, lubes, and any number of other things. Experiment, and let your own body be loved. It will pay off.

backdoor shenanigans

Anal sex is many things to many people. Do it right, and you’ll get to do it again. Do it wrong, and you may be doomed forever. Well, probably not forever but until she forgets how bad it was the first time around.

There are hundreds of anal sex guides online -- explicit instructions on how to do it right. If you read at least a dozen of them, you’ll probably have a good idea about how to start off. The best piece of advice we can give you is to make sure she is hot for it before you start. Then you really can’t lose.

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