Women's Body Issues:

Women's Body Issues:

Women's Body Issues: Their Fault Not Ours

• Better Man in brief ...
• Women's desires to approximate a model-size ideal causes issues -- not men.
• Men like a woman with a little meat on her, so go ahead, ladies: eat up.
• Ultimately, people should strive for healthy weights -- neither too skinny nor too fat.

"Many women believe it is men who force the ideal of the size-three figure on a woman, but it’s not -- it’s other women."

’Tis the season for peace, joy and weight gain. After Christmas and New Years, we will all jiggle a bit more. Women will feel like kicking themselves for their weight gain and will suffer from self-loathing that lasts long past the chocolate free-for-all of Easter.

What women don’t know is that many men get Yule logs in their pants when they see extra curves on the ladies. Did any of us really swear off Jessica Simpson when she gained a few extra pounds after her divorce? Sure, Kirstie Alley blew up too far to handle, and she was looney-tunes long before the weight gain anyway. Still, a little meat on a woman is sexy.

Weight and sexual attraction

There was a beautiful woman in my office that every man lusted after. She was one of those women who never saw herself as attractive, which gave her a great personality without the usual inferiority issues. She had perfect curves, large but not unmanageable breasts, and I often thought of how delightful it would be to hold onto her ass as I did her doggie style. That’s just the romantic in me. When she got divorced, another woman told me that this goddess admitted to having a crush on me. I had one of those “should-seek-medical-help” erections for days even without Viagra.

Her divorce crushed her and she started losing weight. Her breasts shrank, her hips and butt disappeared and, as became more and more able to hide behind a broom handle, my sexual desire for her disappeared. She was just too skinny.

While clothes hide a few extra pounds on a person, with the exception of muffin-top hip-huggers and too-small midriff-showing tops, the same can be said for women who are too skinny. I once had a woman appear nude and willing out of my bathroom, but the sight of her ribs and bony hips turned me off. I quickly came up with an excuse to keep from having sex with her. To this day, I don't think she ever believed I turned gay while she was disrobing in the bathroom.

Women’s body issues come from other women

Many women believe it is men who force the ideal of the size-three figure on a woman, but it’s not -- it’s other women. As comedienne Carol Leifer wrote for a Seinfeld episode where Jerry and George ask Elaine how women torture each other if not by giving wedgies, she replies: “We just tease her about a body part until she develops an eating disorder.”

If you want the truth, ask a comedian. It’s advertising and fashion that lie. Are those male-dominated? Well, fashion is, but I doubt that most male designers really have much more than a professional interest in women's breasts and asses. The women’s publications are not run or written by men -- and in a recent Marie Claire blog post, a female writer penned a brutal review of the show Mike & Molly for daring to show overweight people on TV. That show, meanwhile, has actually climbed to the top of the CBS lineup. The viewing public speaks.

Maura Kelly: case in point

Maura Kelly, the Marie Claire author who attacked television "fatties," has a profile picture that makes her look like the type of woman who shows up to a second date wearing a wedding dress with mascara ready to smear into tears at a man shocked at the thought of such a commitment. She writes: “While I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity. Yes, anorexia is sick, but at least some slim models are simply naturally skinny.”

"I'm sure daddy, like this woman’s father, loved them, gave them hugs and called them "My Princess," which caused further personality problems of a different sort."

She went further into the zone of insensitive stupidity by continuing, “to be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room -- just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine [sic] addict slumping in a chair.”

It was only after 3,971 shocked and angry comments appeared in response to the piece that Ms. Kelly admitted to being an anorexic. (Most probably a “plump girl” who hated herself into lifelong sickness?) She admitted to anorexia but has probably kept the bulimia hidden deep in her “fat clothes closet.” I have dated that type. Note the past tense. It will stay that way.

Women, accept yourselves

Ms. Kelly, to her credit (or her willingness to bend to public humiliation, depending on how truthful you wish to be), wrote an update fumbling to explain her thoughts. A passage in her bio: “Though she's in her 30s, she's never been in love before -- and has started to wonder if she ever will be. She's decided she has to start making dating her job if it's ever going to happen,” says it all. Ms. Kelly, it won’t happen unless you learn to like donuts, Chinese buffets and -- more than anything else -- yourself for what you are.

Ms. Kelly, however, is not the only screwed-up woman in a position to be heard by gullible girls. After working for two years at a fashion magazine, I was shocked by how the female staff, all former models, treated each other. The competition to fit into the teensy clothing samples submitted by fashion designers for article reviews was fierce, and the women were passive-aggressively cruel to each other. And not always passively. These were the ones who were heard as the voices of the “modern woman.” They also had incredible food issues.

When I started dating one of the tall, lean fashion editors, I was quickly perplexed by her need to spend four hours in the gym every day. We went away for a long weekend and her one “must-have” was a place with a gym. She explained she couldn’t miss a day at the gym and her first love, the Stairmaster, or she would go into depression. Her other addiction was to about 20 pounds of carrot sticks daily.

Men are not to blame

It wasn’t until I met her parents and her mother showed me a high school photo of her daughter that I realized her problem. My girlfriend hadn't been fat in high school -- she was healthy, but still thought herself “too fat” due to the fashion magazines she worshiped, with articles by the likes of Ms. Kelly -- closeted freaks that cut themselves because mommy told them to not eat so many potatoes at dinner. I’m sure daddy, like this woman’s father, loved them, gave them hugs and called them “My Princess,” which caused further personality problems of a different sort.

Women are crushed by societal pressure for an ideal of “beauty.” Fake breasts, puffed-up lips, collagen injections and anus bleaching -- a woman should never bleach her anus due to the ideals of  beauty; she should just do it to make her feel good about herself.

eat up, ladies

Being healthy is important. Any person who can’t walk up a flight of stairs without having a heart attack has a problem. Clothes that are a size (or five) too small for your figure look sloppy. If a value-meal at McDonald’s is considered an appetizer, then there is an eating disorder. We should all strive to be thin enough to be healthy, but you won’t find me complaining if you’re built for comfort instead of speed. Have a merry Christmas, ladies, and have a good helping of turkey, stuffing and dessert. There are many of us men who will help you work it off... Well, maybe ;-(


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Herpes and More

Herpes and More

herpes symptoms

I have been seeing a girl for some time now and I recently found Acyclovir in her medicine cabinet. Now I know what Acyclovir is -- my boy in college had to take it, poor guy. Anyway, so I asked her about it and she told me that it's for her lips.

Now I thought it was used for herpes, and I thought that herpes 1 or 2 can be spread. So let's say, if she performs oral sex on me (which she already has) that I could get herpes. Am I way off base here? Dear Lord, I hope so. When I found the bottle, I had a small heart attack, so please let me know either way so I can do something about it.

Anonymous Reader

Hi there,

Your thinking was right: Acyclovir is used to treat herpes. While it will not cure herpes infections, it does decrease the irritation associated with them and encourages healing.

Acyclovir, however, can be used as a treatment for other conditions. It is sometimes prescribed to those suffering from chicken pox, shingles or mononucleosis. It can also be used to counter leukoplakia, a viral infection that produces a white or gray patch on the surface of the body. Leukoplakia usually develops in the mouth, but can occur on the female genitalia.

While there's no cure for herpes, it doesn't pose a danger to most who contract it. It's a chronic condition; a nuisance to live with, but one you can live with nonetheless. Of course, none of this is to suggest that it is a desirable condition. Have a sit-down with your girlfriend and find out exactly what she's suffering from -- don't torture yourself any further by leaving it to your imagination.

TMS

you missed a spot

I am a 23-year-old male who was circumcised as a child. However, I still have a piece of foreskin that is attached to the base of my penis. It does not hurt, except for the times when I have long periods of sex or masturbation. I would say about 5% of the foreskin is still attached and 95% is not. Is this normal? Could this potentially lead to any health problems? Do you think I should have doctor take look at this?

If you could let me know, that would be great. Thanks for your help.

Anonymous II

Hello,

Like all surgical procedures, circumcision isn't foolproof. It is pretty close, though; for every 1,000 circumcisions performed, it is estimated that only two result in complications. For that unlucky 0.2%, the ensuing problems can vary widely in terms of pain and lifestyle disruption.

On one end of the scale, a circumcision can go severely awry, resulting in infection, a bending of the penis, the development of cysts at the incision site, or even an inadvertent amputation of the glans, or head, of the penis. So, while it's unfortunate that you fell into that minute 0.2% percentage, you can consider yourself lucky that you escaped with only an incomplete circumcision.

You may still, however, be at risk of developing further complications. Incomplete circumcision can sometimes lead to phimosis, a narrowing of the foreskin opening. It's never too late to have that circumcision completed properly, so book an appointment with your urologist and have him see what he can do about it.

TMS

a red flag

Just today during one of my daily urinations my pee was a brownish color, and naturally this took me by surprise and I was a bit worried. Halfway through my duties, thick, snot-like, bloody chunks came out.

I'm afraid it might be an STD, and don't know what to do. I didn't know who else to ask about this.

Anonymous III

Hello,

There's obviously a problem here. For further specifics, however, you'll have to visit a health care professional.

Blood in the urine, or hematuria, can be caused by many conditions, most of which are happily not serious ones. A simple urinary tract infection, or even a spirited bout of exercise, can produce red blood cells in the urine. Unhappily, hematuria can also be indicative or more worrisome conditions, such as kidney disease.

The fact that you're also encountering solids in your urine stream will help a doctor reach an accurate prognosis -- this combination of symptoms can be indicative of a number of specific conditions. Go see your doctor as soon as you can.

TMS

closet case?

Every time my boyfriend and I have sex, he always insists on playing with my butt -- with his fingers, penis, toys, etc. One time during foreplay, he suggested I play with his butt too using the toy -- which at that time got me excited cause I felt like I was in control. Anyway, it became part of our play every time we would have sex -- to the point where he had me wear a strap-on, so I can do him in the butt! At the time I thought that was sexy! However, lately, it's kinda grossing me out and somehow it's making me think that he might be gay.

He always wants me to wear the strap-on so I can do him in the butt while he licks a dildo or sometimes he has me lick the dildo while he pretends to masturbate my strap-on. And the thing is, he hardly penetrates me, we always just finish off using our toys doing all this kinky stuff; we're always just masturbating each other using our sex toys. Might he be gay?

Anonymous IV

Hi,

Yes, it's possible that your boyfriend's gay. It's also possible that he's simply developed a taste for having his male G-spot, or prostate gland, stimulated, and he wouldn't be the first guy to do so. Many men have difficulties broaching the stigma of anal stimulation, and can't get past the misplaced idea that enjoying anal play somehow exposes them as a homosexual. It's likely that your boyfriend is just sexually secure enough to pursue the pleasure that anal play gives him without fear of its negative connotations.

I can understand, however, that his tendency to masturbate your strap-on might also produce some pings on your "gaydar." In any case, it seems that his love of toys has grown into something of a fetish. This isn't a problem in and of itself, but it certainly can be when it detracts from one partner's enjoyment of sex. Sit him down, and set him straight (no pun intended).

TMS

leaky faucet

I have read many of your articles and find them very informative. I hope you will be able to provide me with some advice. I'm a 27-year-old male, in good health, average height, and slightly underweight. For as long as I can remember, I have had the following problems:

1- After urination, my penis continues to leak (small amounts) urine for a couple of minutes. This makes it very difficult to use a urinal in the men's room because I have to stand around for a couple minutes after urinating in order to make sure it has stopped leaking. So, I usually try to use the toilet so I can use several bathroom tissues to "wipe" the leaks after I finish urinating. Therefore, it always takes me a couple of extra minutes in the bathroom just to urinate.

2- After ejaculation, I continue to leak (small amounts) of semen. I've also noticed that the volume of my ejaculation is not that much. But the leaking lasts anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes after I ejaculate.

3- I can't seem to hold off ejaculation. It takes only one to two minutes before I ejaculate. I don't have a problem getting an erection. I can usually get a second erection within 30 minutes after ejaculating (even though I might still have small amounts of semen leaking at the tip of my penis).

Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Anonymous V

Anon V,

The third problem that you describe is quite a common one, and you can find many strategies to deal with it on both AskMen.com and other websites. The first two, which seem related, will require more than home research to remedy.

A leaky penis could be as simple as a need to exercise your pubococcygeus (or PC) muscle, it may be the product of a tract infection, or it may even be a muscle or nerve problem that causes the bladder to release urine abnormally.

Diagnosing what the specific issue is usually involves a cystometry. I'll be frank with you: A cystometry isn't the most pleasant procedure. It can involve some rather intrusive techniques, such as the filling of the bladder with water or gas (to measure its retention abilities) or the insertion of a catheter into the rectum. But it's still usually preferable to the alternative, which is to let this frustrating condition persist.

TMS

nothing from nothing

In your anal sex tips, you mention that a guy should always wear a condom during anal sex to prevent getting an STD like HIV. What if neither partner has ever had an STD and we were both virgins when we met each other? Is there still a chance to get an STD from either anal sex or vaginal sex?

Anonymous VI

Hello,

If both partners have been tested and it has been established that neither has an STD, there is no possibility of transmission of an STD. For anal sex, you may still wish to use some lubricant, if only for your partner's comfort.

TMS 

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