Women's Body Issues:

Women's Body Issues:

Women's Body Issues: Their Fault Not Ours

• Better Man in brief ...
• Women's desires to approximate a model-size ideal causes issues -- not men.
• Men like a woman with a little meat on her, so go ahead, ladies: eat up.
• Ultimately, people should strive for healthy weights -- neither too skinny nor too fat.

"Many women believe it is men who force the ideal of the size-three figure on a woman, but it’s not -- it’s other women."

’Tis the season for peace, joy and weight gain. After Christmas and New Years, we will all jiggle a bit more. Women will feel like kicking themselves for their weight gain and will suffer from self-loathing that lasts long past the chocolate free-for-all of Easter.

What women don’t know is that many men get Yule logs in their pants when they see extra curves on the ladies. Did any of us really swear off Jessica Simpson when she gained a few extra pounds after her divorce? Sure, Kirstie Alley blew up too far to handle, and she was looney-tunes long before the weight gain anyway. Still, a little meat on a woman is sexy.

Weight and sexual attraction

There was a beautiful woman in my office that every man lusted after. She was one of those women who never saw herself as attractive, which gave her a great personality without the usual inferiority issues. She had perfect curves, large but not unmanageable breasts, and I often thought of how delightful it would be to hold onto her ass as I did her doggie style. That’s just the romantic in me. When she got divorced, another woman told me that this goddess admitted to having a crush on me. I had one of those “should-seek-medical-help” erections for days even without Viagra.

Her divorce crushed her and she started losing weight. Her breasts shrank, her hips and butt disappeared and, as became more and more able to hide behind a broom handle, my sexual desire for her disappeared. She was just too skinny.

While clothes hide a few extra pounds on a person, with the exception of muffin-top hip-huggers and too-small midriff-showing tops, the same can be said for women who are too skinny. I once had a woman appear nude and willing out of my bathroom, but the sight of her ribs and bony hips turned me off. I quickly came up with an excuse to keep from having sex with her. To this day, I don't think she ever believed I turned gay while she was disrobing in the bathroom.

Women’s body issues come from other women

Many women believe it is men who force the ideal of the size-three figure on a woman, but it’s not -- it’s other women. As comedienne Carol Leifer wrote for a Seinfeld episode where Jerry and George ask Elaine how women torture each other if not by giving wedgies, she replies: “We just tease her about a body part until she develops an eating disorder.”

If you want the truth, ask a comedian. It’s advertising and fashion that lie. Are those male-dominated? Well, fashion is, but I doubt that most male designers really have much more than a professional interest in women's breasts and asses. The women’s publications are not run or written by men -- and in a recent Marie Claire blog post, a female writer penned a brutal review of the show Mike & Molly for daring to show overweight people on TV. That show, meanwhile, has actually climbed to the top of the CBS lineup. The viewing public speaks.

Maura Kelly: case in point

Maura Kelly, the Marie Claire author who attacked television "fatties," has a profile picture that makes her look like the type of woman who shows up to a second date wearing a wedding dress with mascara ready to smear into tears at a man shocked at the thought of such a commitment. She writes: “While I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity. Yes, anorexia is sick, but at least some slim models are simply naturally skinny.”

"I'm sure daddy, like this woman’s father, loved them, gave them hugs and called them "My Princess," which caused further personality problems of a different sort."

She went further into the zone of insensitive stupidity by continuing, “to be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room -- just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine [sic] addict slumping in a chair.”

It was only after 3,971 shocked and angry comments appeared in response to the piece that Ms. Kelly admitted to being an anorexic. (Most probably a “plump girl” who hated herself into lifelong sickness?) She admitted to anorexia but has probably kept the bulimia hidden deep in her “fat clothes closet.” I have dated that type. Note the past tense. It will stay that way.

Women, accept yourselves

Ms. Kelly, to her credit (or her willingness to bend to public humiliation, depending on how truthful you wish to be), wrote an update fumbling to explain her thoughts. A passage in her bio: “Though she's in her 30s, she's never been in love before -- and has started to wonder if she ever will be. She's decided she has to start making dating her job if it's ever going to happen,” says it all. Ms. Kelly, it won’t happen unless you learn to like donuts, Chinese buffets and -- more than anything else -- yourself for what you are.

Ms. Kelly, however, is not the only screwed-up woman in a position to be heard by gullible girls. After working for two years at a fashion magazine, I was shocked by how the female staff, all former models, treated each other. The competition to fit into the teensy clothing samples submitted by fashion designers for article reviews was fierce, and the women were passive-aggressively cruel to each other. And not always passively. These were the ones who were heard as the voices of the “modern woman.” They also had incredible food issues.

When I started dating one of the tall, lean fashion editors, I was quickly perplexed by her need to spend four hours in the gym every day. We went away for a long weekend and her one “must-have” was a place with a gym. She explained she couldn’t miss a day at the gym and her first love, the Stairmaster, or she would go into depression. Her other addiction was to about 20 pounds of carrot sticks daily.

Men are not to blame

It wasn’t until I met her parents and her mother showed me a high school photo of her daughter that I realized her problem. My girlfriend hadn't been fat in high school -- she was healthy, but still thought herself “too fat” due to the fashion magazines she worshiped, with articles by the likes of Ms. Kelly -- closeted freaks that cut themselves because mommy told them to not eat so many potatoes at dinner. I’m sure daddy, like this woman’s father, loved them, gave them hugs and called them “My Princess,” which caused further personality problems of a different sort.

Women are crushed by societal pressure for an ideal of “beauty.” Fake breasts, puffed-up lips, collagen injections and anus bleaching -- a woman should never bleach her anus due to the ideals of  beauty; she should just do it to make her feel good about herself.

eat up, ladies

Being healthy is important. Any person who can’t walk up a flight of stairs without having a heart attack has a problem. Clothes that are a size (or five) too small for your figure look sloppy. If a value-meal at McDonald’s is considered an appetizer, then there is an eating disorder. We should all strive to be thin enough to be healthy, but you won’t find me complaining if you’re built for comfort instead of speed. Have a merry Christmas, ladies, and have a good helping of turkey, stuffing and dessert. There are many of us men who will help you work it off... Well, maybe ;-(


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How Tiger Screwed All Men

How Tiger Screwed All Men

The Tiger Woods Backlash Every Married Man Must Endure

He’s back and all is well once again in the world of golf. Or so it would seem given the warm reception Tiger Woods received as he walked up to the tee at Augusta National to begin his quest for a fifth Masters title. Tiger might be back on the golf course, but the average married man is probably still in the rough. Tiger’s troubles have raised the specter of infidelity, and that's hit a raw nerve in many marriages -- and the backlash for rocky marriages is even more substantial. The golf world may have forgiven him, but men shouldn’t be so quick to overlook what he has done to his family. The repercussions of his actions will have to be endured by many married men for some time to come.

 

She now thinks the male libido is abnormal

Going into rehab for sexual indiscretions has never been a plausible excuse for why men cheat. Most consider sex addiction and rehab treatment to be a lot of voodoo psychotherapy. Men like sex. So do women. Whom you have it with is a choice, and the whole idea of a man using the reasoning that he is addicted to sex and, therefore, must cheat on his wife has become more about hiding out until everyone and their lawyer can get the storyline straight. This was never more clear then when South Park spoofed Tiger’s rehab sessions as a cataclysm of sexual healing for America. Funny and sarcastic? On South Park, yes, but in the real world many women now think all men have abnormal sex drives that will cause them to stray. Thanks a lot, Tiger.

She will always be suspicious of texts

If your own marriage is filled with doubt then you’ll likely find your lovely wife looking at you sternly when your phone rings at an odd hour. She’ll stare at the number and wonder who it might be (and you will do the same when her phone rings). Text messaging was already getting a bad rap with teenagers sexting one another in school. Now, however, she’ll wonder if you’re doing what Tiger did. Then again, if you have more than one phone like Tiger she probably should be suspicious.

She will always be suspicious of trashy venues

If you once frequented Vegas or the local strip joint with your buddies for a guys' night on the town, you’d better start to like staying in because the closest you’ll get to an all-nighter with the boys is watching The Hangover -- again. Nights at adult clubs were suspect anyway, but Tiger crossed the line so egregiously that what she might have tolerated as “look but don’t touch” venues are now brothels in her mind. Perhaps Tiger should start a college fund for all the dancers whose tips have dropped off since last November.

She now knows men secretly desire trashy women

She’s always thought you were better than all the other primitive men out there; after all, that’s why she picked you. However, now that Tiger Woods, a man with more money and an impossibly beautiful Swedish wife, has been caught chasing porn stars and trashy lounge women on the PGA tour, let alone bringing them into his own home for sex after a quick stop for Subway sandwiches, you have little chance of being her knight in shining armor anytime soon if your eye has been wandering. She now knows that no matter how trashy the woman may be, men will look. This is yet another Tiger Woods backlash every married man must endure.

She will not let you off easy

If you are stupid enough to cheat she won’t be the stoic politician’s wife. Not now. Now she has Elin Nordegren to emulate and you don’t have the fame, money and influence to walk in the side door of the hospital when she lets loose on you with your golf clubs, tennis racket or baseball bat sitting in the garage. She won’t be standing near you in public, and don’t even think about using the flimsy excuse of sex rehab because if Elin isn’t going to sit in group therapy with Tiger to save his sorry butt then neither will she. Tiger might be mending his ways with the golf press and the public with lunches at Augusta and creepy ads with his deceased father’s voice, but Elin is not even in the country. So, Tiger might be back on the links and you might go back to work too if you cheat, but she won’t let you forget it -- and she shouldn’t.

 

 

 

the tiger woods backlash

No one can forget what Tiger has done. Forever there will be women with more stories to tell about late-night meetings, text messages and cell phone calls. If you liked him before the Thanksgiving 2009 revelations, then you’ll like him once more and proclaim him to be a golfer of ultimate focus in a time of personal tragedy. If you hate Tiger Woods, then you’ll be appalled at the way the sports media will revel in the rise of Tiger 2.0, reborn from his private transgressions and in touch once again with Buddhism -- whatever that has to do with cheating and lying to your wife. Tiger may go on to greater golf success but the backlash on married man won’t subside any time soon. Maybe, just maybe, all schmucks everywhere with less money and fame should thank Tiger for being so stupid. His poor judgment is a reminder of what all married men have at stake if they cheat too.

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Consequences Of A Threesome

Consequences Of A Threesome

You’ve finally convinced your girlfriend to have a threesome and you’ve found a girl to join you. What could go wrong? Well, plenty if you haven’t planned ahead for every potential uncomfortable outcome. When a committed couple welcomes another person into their bed, the results can be intensely erotic and adventurous… or tragically awkward and complicated. Where you end up afterward depends heavily on certain possibilities that should be considered before going ahead with the deed. What follows is a list of the possible consequences of your threesome, rated according to how much grief they could end up causing you.

A rating of three basically gives you a green light, barring any exceptional circumstances. Two means you should think twice before proceeding, since it is quite likely to cause trouble. A one indicates that this outcome is rather likely, and should probably prompt you to keep your threesome fantasy to yourself.

Falling for the third

It can be easy to develop feelings for someone you have been physically intimate with, since falling in love and having sex often go together. You may think that women are more prone to this kind of thing and that your DNA will make it easier for you to separate sex and love, but your reactions once you’re actually in the situation may surprise you. Make sure you want to have a threesome for the right reasons and that you are committed to being in your relationship. This will make it easier for you to see the third party as a fun, fabulous sex object -- and not a girl with potential for more.

A girl thing

If you’ve chosen the ideal woman to join you for your threesome, there’s a chance she might be so perfect that your girl will want to continue a relationship with her after the fact. If it’s just a friendship she wants, no worries, but if she’s feeling romantic about the other girl, you’ve got a problem. However, the chances of this possible consequence are pretty slim unless she has demonstrated lesbian leanings in the past.

Fatal attraction

It is also possible that your third may develop feelings for you and/or your girlfriend and get all Glenn Close on you, boiling bunnies and whatnot. Make it clear from the get-go that you are only looking for a fun physical encounter and you should be able to avoid this. A little time spent observing the girl’s behavior before the act should give you an idea of whether or not she’s a clingy psycho.

Jealousy rears its ugly head

Unless your girl is very sexually adventurous and secure, there is a good chance that the threesome will spark a bout of jealousy, ranging from slight annoyance to relationship-destroying rage. Make sure to pay equal attention to both women, or more to your girlfriend, but definitely not the other way around. If you know your girl tends to feel twinges of jealousy when you check out other girls on the street, this may be a prohibitive factor.

Infections and babies

The extraordinary complications that would be brought into your life if either of you were to get an STI -- or if the other woman were to get pregnant -- is enough of a reason to think twice about going through with it. Both risks can be considerably lessened by taking the proper precautions and discussing birth control ahead of time, but if you don’t know a lot about the other woman’s history, there could be a risk.

Awkward socializing

Unless you’re picking up a complete stranger that you’ll never see again (which isn’t necessarily the safest way to go about it), there is a chance that your threesome may end up having some uncomfortable social consequences. If the other girl is a friend or an acquaintance of either you or your partner, the next time you hang out could be a tad awkward. If it’s her best friend, this should be reason enough to scrap your plans right now.

Performance anxiety

If you are prone to having difficulty performing under pressure, a threesome is not an ideal situation. Having two women to satisfy may simply be too demanding and you’ll probably want to avoid the arrangement if you’re worried about not rising to the occasion.

Three’s company

Of course, there is a chance that your threesome will go off without a hitch, you’ll both have a great night and you’ll create a memory that will turn you on for the rest of your relationship. Sharing a sexual adventure can bring you closer together -- as long as it ends up being a safe, sexy, pleasurable experience.

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