Women's Body Issues:

Women's Body Issues:

Women's Body Issues: Their Fault Not Ours

• Better Man in brief ...
• Women's desires to approximate a model-size ideal causes issues -- not men.
• Men like a woman with a little meat on her, so go ahead, ladies: eat up.
• Ultimately, people should strive for healthy weights -- neither too skinny nor too fat.

"Many women believe it is men who force the ideal of the size-three figure on a woman, but it’s not -- it’s other women."

’Tis the season for peace, joy and weight gain. After Christmas and New Years, we will all jiggle a bit more. Women will feel like kicking themselves for their weight gain and will suffer from self-loathing that lasts long past the chocolate free-for-all of Easter.

What women don’t know is that many men get Yule logs in their pants when they see extra curves on the ladies. Did any of us really swear off Jessica Simpson when she gained a few extra pounds after her divorce? Sure, Kirstie Alley blew up too far to handle, and she was looney-tunes long before the weight gain anyway. Still, a little meat on a woman is sexy.

Weight and sexual attraction

There was a beautiful woman in my office that every man lusted after. She was one of those women who never saw herself as attractive, which gave her a great personality without the usual inferiority issues. She had perfect curves, large but not unmanageable breasts, and I often thought of how delightful it would be to hold onto her ass as I did her doggie style. That’s just the romantic in me. When she got divorced, another woman told me that this goddess admitted to having a crush on me. I had one of those “should-seek-medical-help” erections for days even without Viagra.

Her divorce crushed her and she started losing weight. Her breasts shrank, her hips and butt disappeared and, as became more and more able to hide behind a broom handle, my sexual desire for her disappeared. She was just too skinny.

While clothes hide a few extra pounds on a person, with the exception of muffin-top hip-huggers and too-small midriff-showing tops, the same can be said for women who are too skinny. I once had a woman appear nude and willing out of my bathroom, but the sight of her ribs and bony hips turned me off. I quickly came up with an excuse to keep from having sex with her. To this day, I don't think she ever believed I turned gay while she was disrobing in the bathroom.

Women’s body issues come from other women

Many women believe it is men who force the ideal of the size-three figure on a woman, but it’s not -- it’s other women. As comedienne Carol Leifer wrote for a Seinfeld episode where Jerry and George ask Elaine how women torture each other if not by giving wedgies, she replies: “We just tease her about a body part until she develops an eating disorder.”

If you want the truth, ask a comedian. It’s advertising and fashion that lie. Are those male-dominated? Well, fashion is, but I doubt that most male designers really have much more than a professional interest in women's breasts and asses. The women’s publications are not run or written by men -- and in a recent Marie Claire blog post, a female writer penned a brutal review of the show Mike & Molly for daring to show overweight people on TV. That show, meanwhile, has actually climbed to the top of the CBS lineup. The viewing public speaks.

Maura Kelly: case in point

Maura Kelly, the Marie Claire author who attacked television "fatties," has a profile picture that makes her look like the type of woman who shows up to a second date wearing a wedding dress with mascara ready to smear into tears at a man shocked at the thought of such a commitment. She writes: “While I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity. Yes, anorexia is sick, but at least some slim models are simply naturally skinny.”

"I'm sure daddy, like this woman’s father, loved them, gave them hugs and called them "My Princess," which caused further personality problems of a different sort."

She went further into the zone of insensitive stupidity by continuing, “to be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room -- just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine [sic] addict slumping in a chair.”

It was only after 3,971 shocked and angry comments appeared in response to the piece that Ms. Kelly admitted to being an anorexic. (Most probably a “plump girl” who hated herself into lifelong sickness?) She admitted to anorexia but has probably kept the bulimia hidden deep in her “fat clothes closet.” I have dated that type. Note the past tense. It will stay that way.

Women, accept yourselves

Ms. Kelly, to her credit (or her willingness to bend to public humiliation, depending on how truthful you wish to be), wrote an update fumbling to explain her thoughts. A passage in her bio: “Though she's in her 30s, she's never been in love before -- and has started to wonder if she ever will be. She's decided she has to start making dating her job if it's ever going to happen,” says it all. Ms. Kelly, it won’t happen unless you learn to like donuts, Chinese buffets and -- more than anything else -- yourself for what you are.

Ms. Kelly, however, is not the only screwed-up woman in a position to be heard by gullible girls. After working for two years at a fashion magazine, I was shocked by how the female staff, all former models, treated each other. The competition to fit into the teensy clothing samples submitted by fashion designers for article reviews was fierce, and the women were passive-aggressively cruel to each other. And not always passively. These were the ones who were heard as the voices of the “modern woman.” They also had incredible food issues.

When I started dating one of the tall, lean fashion editors, I was quickly perplexed by her need to spend four hours in the gym every day. We went away for a long weekend and her one “must-have” was a place with a gym. She explained she couldn’t miss a day at the gym and her first love, the Stairmaster, or she would go into depression. Her other addiction was to about 20 pounds of carrot sticks daily.

Men are not to blame

It wasn’t until I met her parents and her mother showed me a high school photo of her daughter that I realized her problem. My girlfriend hadn't been fat in high school -- she was healthy, but still thought herself “too fat” due to the fashion magazines she worshiped, with articles by the likes of Ms. Kelly -- closeted freaks that cut themselves because mommy told them to not eat so many potatoes at dinner. I’m sure daddy, like this woman’s father, loved them, gave them hugs and called them “My Princess,” which caused further personality problems of a different sort.

Women are crushed by societal pressure for an ideal of “beauty.” Fake breasts, puffed-up lips, collagen injections and anus bleaching -- a woman should never bleach her anus due to the ideals of  beauty; she should just do it to make her feel good about herself.

eat up, ladies

Being healthy is important. Any person who can’t walk up a flight of stairs without having a heart attack has a problem. Clothes that are a size (or five) too small for your figure look sloppy. If a value-meal at McDonald’s is considered an appetizer, then there is an eating disorder. We should all strive to be thin enough to be healthy, but you won’t find me complaining if you’re built for comfort instead of speed. Have a merry Christmas, ladies, and have a good helping of turkey, stuffing and dessert. There are many of us men who will help you work it off... Well, maybe ;-(


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Myths About Orgasms

Myths About Orgasms

We’ve come a long way since the days when science doubted the existence of the female orgasm. Today, a woman’s sexual satisfaction is a major field of study and the average couple has spent a great deal of time trying to improve her experience. This is certainly appreciated, but some of you may be trying too hard; her level of satisfaction may already be everything she could hope for. That’s right: You may be striving toward a goal that has been based entirely on myth. This misinformation circulates with surprising frequency and you may be shocked (if not relieved) to learn how wrong some of them are. Read on as we discuss, and set right, the biggest female orgasm myths around.

All women want a G-spot orgasm

Put in the simplest terms possible: This is a load of crap. While it’s true that many women lust for G-spot orgasms, it’s a complete orgasm myth that all women desire such a thing. For many women, having the G-spot stimulated -- even "correctly" -- results in a sensation that can only be described as extremely uncomfortable. It can make a woman feel like she needs to urinate immediately, and that’s never fun. It can also cause her to feel pain, and not in a sexy S&M kind of way, either. In fact, the whole stimulating the G-spot thing can annoy some women to the point where it completely turns them off for the rest of the evening. Yes, some women love having their G-spot stimulated -- but many don’t.

Women need a skilled partner to orgasm

Many men pride themselves on their ability to make a woman orgasm (and your skills are definitely appreciated), but the ultimate responsibility for a woman’s orgasm belongs to her. It’s perfectly normal for a woman to have difficulty achieving a vaginal orgasm -- that’s why God invented the clitoris. Meaning: She can still achieve a fabulous orgasm even if her lover is a virgin with limited experience and know-how. A man’s efforts are certainly helpful, but if she’s not achieving orgasm she has no one to blame but herself. Additionally, many women suffer from performance anxiety just as men do. If a woman falls into this category, even the most skillful of men wouldn’t be able to make her orgasm, regardless of his efforts.

Women need to orgasm to enjoy themselves

This orgasm myth couldn’t be further from the truth. Sex feels good whether you have an orgasm or not, and when combined with the right level of intimacy, the experience can be immensely satisfying regardless of whether or not she climaxes. Many women even prefer foreplay to actual sex and orgasm. Why? Because, for some women kissing, hugging and caressing are more satisfying than anything you see in porn flicks. If you combine these acts of affection with slow and steady penetration, most women will be perfectly content at the end of your love session.

Vaginal orgasms are better than clitoral orgasms

This orgasm myth is a bit like comparing apples and oranges. OK, not exactly, but you get the idea. The basic point is this: Both are perfectly lovely and they can be equally satisfying. The only reason vaginal orgasms are regarded as the Holy Grail of ecstasy is how infrequently they occur. Statistically speaking, it’s estimated that 30% of women will never even experience one and only 30% do so with regularity. That means you have a very good chance of dating or marrying a woman who will never achieve a vaginal orgasm. Unfair as that may sound, clitoral orgasms are not to be taken lightly; they can be absolutely earth-shattering under the right circumstances, and some women prefer them. Clitoral orgasms are wonderful and there is no reason to pity a woman who hasn’t experienced an orgasm through vaginal stimulation.

Women can’t ejaculate

Anyone who still believes this orgasm myth has clearly never seen a good porn film. Women can definitely ejaculate, and some can do so more forcefully (and with more volume) than men. It’s a relatively new acknowledgment in the scientific community, so the research still leaves something to be desired, but there’s plenty of evidence to support the claim. We know that women ejaculate through the urethra, just like men. Female ejaculate contains the same substances male ejaculate contains, and it’s produced in the "female prostate" -- an organ which is extremely similar to the male prostate, albeit smaller. Women seem to ejaculate primarily through direct stimulation of the G-spot (some scientists believe this is actually the urethral sponge), but not all women can or will experience ejaculation. So, if she doesn't have a gushing end, don't think she didn't enjoy herself, just try again another time.

orgasmic mythology

So there you have it: Five female orgasm myths totally debunked. While it’s admirable to concern yourself with your woman’s pleasure and level of satisfaction, you’re not solely responsible for her orgasm. If she doesn’t have one, she could still be having the time of her life. If, however, you really have your heart set on making her holler, we recommend asking her to masturbate for you, which will provide plenty of insight (and quite a show) into how she prefers to reach orgasm. 

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Top 10 Female Sex Fantasies

Top 10 Female Sex Fantasies

If you think women don’t sit around fantasizing about very naughty things, think again. Women are experts when it comes to dreaming up the sauciest of fantasies, and they don’t bother limiting themselves to the traditional. The top 10 female sex fantasies covers everything from fetishes to threesomes, and you may be surprised to know that many women want to do more than just fantasize. Some women spend just as much time hoping their men will help put their female sex fantasies into practice. Sound interesting? Read on: We'll give you the inside scoop on the top 10 female sex fantasies, and what she’s really daydreaming about when you least expect it.

No.10 - Domination (her dominating you)

Women love a big strong man who can sweep them off their feet and carry them into the sunset -- but you may be surprised to learn that one of the top female sex fantasies is to have that same big strong man begging for sexual release in the bedroom. This involves tying you down to a bed while she forces you to pleasure her with your tongue; the entire scenario revolves around you worshipping her body and begging for her attention. Why? She gets to be in control while enjoying total devotion from her man in the process. What more could she want?

No.9 - Domination (you dominating her)

The advent of the metrosexual is most commonly blamed for this top 10 female sex fantasy. It seems that modern, independent women actually prefer real men who aren’t afraid to embrace their testosterone. This woman fantasizes about you pinning her down, thrusting her thighs apart with your knee and penetrating her as savagely as you possibly can. She wants to feel your fingers snake through her hair and pull her head back; she wants to feel your teeth on her shoulder; she wants to be owned -- if only while in the bedroom (after which, she’ll want a clear return to equality). This win-win female sex fantasy scenario allows her to fully indulge her femininity, while still espousing the merits of feminism.

No.8 - Teacher/student

You’ll be thrilled to know that the Britney Spears fantasy isn’t just for men: Women love the idea of dressing up like a schoolgirl and parading about for your viewing pleasure. Many would even like to take it a step further, playing the naughty tart who won’t stop teasing you until you pull her over your knee and give her the spanking she craves. That’s right: Loads and loads of grown women fantasize about getting a proper spanking from their man. A spanking from you is exciting for two reasons: Not only does this mild show of dominance hurt so good, but it also usually leads straight into hot, hot sex.

No.7 - Sex with a stranger

Most women wouldn’t have the chutzpah to act out this top 10 female sex fantasy, but you’d better believe that most have thoroughly enjoyed thinking about it. No-strings-attached sex is something many women would love to experience, but most are dissuaded from it thanks to a lofty load of self-produced guilt. Nevertheless, her panties definitely get wet at the idea of a gorgeous male approaching her in a dark, smoky bar and taking her back to his room for a long, hot night of wild sex. This female sex fantasy appeals to her naughtiest side -- the kinky one that rarely sees the light of day, thanks to a lifetime of religious and societal conditioning.

No.6 - Threesome with another woman

These days, it’s fairly common for straight women to get down with other women now and again, making this top 10 female sex fantasy a not-so-unrealistic possibility. That being said, this threesome fantasy rarely involves you getting playtime with the second hottie, as most girlfriends do not want to see their man touch another woman. In this scenario, you’re meant to play voyeur until your woman is ready for something more hardcore. This allows her to experience the best of both worlds without having to worry about things like jealousy or sharing.

No.5 - Threesome with two men

This top 10 female sex fantasy involves the woman being worshipped and adored by two gorgeous men. These men are typically heterosexual and, therefore, only interested in the woman -- which translates into a whole lot of action for her. Her sex fantasy might be as innocent as being penetrated by one man while performing oral sex on the other or it might go further, drawing on more hardcore aspects such as double penetration and the like. This female sex fantasy is the ultimate taboo for many women, which makes it all the more fun to imagine.

No.4 - Voyeurism

If you think women don’t enjoy watching other people get it on, you’re completely mistaken. Your woman likes to watch for the same reasons as you do: It’s erotic, exhilarating and slightly taboo. She may fantasize about peeping through the neighbor’s bedroom window, spying on a kinky couple in the park or even catching a full-on orgy from the sidelines. Believe it when we tell you she enjoys "watching" just as much as you do; it allows to her be naughty without getting her hands dirty, so to speak.

No.3 - Rape

As mentioned in our common female fantasies article, rape is a massively popular fantasy among women. Most psychologists believe this top 10 female sex fantasy allows a woman to have the wild, dirty sex she craves, without having to suffer the guilt that often follows. These female sex fantasies usually involve a gorgeous man carrying her off to his bedroom and quickly getting down to business. She’ll protest as he tears her clothing off and expertly arouses her body, but on the inside, she’ll love every minute of it. This continues to the point of penetration, and leads her to an incredible orgasm despite her earlier protests. This female sex fantasy allows a woman to be wanton and enjoy sex -- something society rarely permits.

No.2 - Exhibitionism

She might cringe when you bring up the topic of making homemade porn flicks, but your woman has probably fantasized about doing precisely that at one time or another. Unfortunately, most women are far too body-conscious to experiment with such things, making this a top 10 female sex fantasy, as opposed to a reality. Believe it or not, some women even take this desire to the next level, fantasizing about others watching as you shag her silly in a public place.

No.1 - Private dancer

Most women wouldn’t have the nerve to strip in a public setting, but this top 10 female sex fantasy definitely involves taking it all off. She loves the idea of tantalizing you with a striptease, and she’d love to give you a private lap dance. Why? Your enjoyment tells her you find her attractive, and your erection tells her she has control -- a potent combination that women simply can’t get enough of.

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