Women's Body Issues:

Women's Body Issues:

Women's Body Issues: Their Fault Not Ours

• Better Man in brief ...
• Women's desires to approximate a model-size ideal causes issues -- not men.
• Men like a woman with a little meat on her, so go ahead, ladies: eat up.
• Ultimately, people should strive for healthy weights -- neither too skinny nor too fat.

"Many women believe it is men who force the ideal of the size-three figure on a woman, but it’s not -- it’s other women."

’Tis the season for peace, joy and weight gain. After Christmas and New Years, we will all jiggle a bit more. Women will feel like kicking themselves for their weight gain and will suffer from self-loathing that lasts long past the chocolate free-for-all of Easter.

What women don’t know is that many men get Yule logs in their pants when they see extra curves on the ladies. Did any of us really swear off Jessica Simpson when she gained a few extra pounds after her divorce? Sure, Kirstie Alley blew up too far to handle, and she was looney-tunes long before the weight gain anyway. Still, a little meat on a woman is sexy.

Weight and sexual attraction

There was a beautiful woman in my office that every man lusted after. She was one of those women who never saw herself as attractive, which gave her a great personality without the usual inferiority issues. She had perfect curves, large but not unmanageable breasts, and I often thought of how delightful it would be to hold onto her ass as I did her doggie style. That’s just the romantic in me. When she got divorced, another woman told me that this goddess admitted to having a crush on me. I had one of those “should-seek-medical-help” erections for days even without Viagra.

Her divorce crushed her and she started losing weight. Her breasts shrank, her hips and butt disappeared and, as became more and more able to hide behind a broom handle, my sexual desire for her disappeared. She was just too skinny.

While clothes hide a few extra pounds on a person, with the exception of muffin-top hip-huggers and too-small midriff-showing tops, the same can be said for women who are too skinny. I once had a woman appear nude and willing out of my bathroom, but the sight of her ribs and bony hips turned me off. I quickly came up with an excuse to keep from having sex with her. To this day, I don't think she ever believed I turned gay while she was disrobing in the bathroom.

Women’s body issues come from other women

Many women believe it is men who force the ideal of the size-three figure on a woman, but it’s not -- it’s other women. As comedienne Carol Leifer wrote for a Seinfeld episode where Jerry and George ask Elaine how women torture each other if not by giving wedgies, she replies: “We just tease her about a body part until she develops an eating disorder.”

If you want the truth, ask a comedian. It’s advertising and fashion that lie. Are those male-dominated? Well, fashion is, but I doubt that most male designers really have much more than a professional interest in women's breasts and asses. The women’s publications are not run or written by men -- and in a recent Marie Claire blog post, a female writer penned a brutal review of the show Mike & Molly for daring to show overweight people on TV. That show, meanwhile, has actually climbed to the top of the CBS lineup. The viewing public speaks.

Maura Kelly: case in point

Maura Kelly, the Marie Claire author who attacked television "fatties," has a profile picture that makes her look like the type of woman who shows up to a second date wearing a wedding dress with mascara ready to smear into tears at a man shocked at the thought of such a commitment. She writes: “While I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity. Yes, anorexia is sick, but at least some slim models are simply naturally skinny.”

"I'm sure daddy, like this woman’s father, loved them, gave them hugs and called them "My Princess," which caused further personality problems of a different sort."

She went further into the zone of insensitive stupidity by continuing, “to be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room -- just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine [sic] addict slumping in a chair.”

It was only after 3,971 shocked and angry comments appeared in response to the piece that Ms. Kelly admitted to being an anorexic. (Most probably a “plump girl” who hated herself into lifelong sickness?) She admitted to anorexia but has probably kept the bulimia hidden deep in her “fat clothes closet.” I have dated that type. Note the past tense. It will stay that way.

Women, accept yourselves

Ms. Kelly, to her credit (or her willingness to bend to public humiliation, depending on how truthful you wish to be), wrote an update fumbling to explain her thoughts. A passage in her bio: “Though she's in her 30s, she's never been in love before -- and has started to wonder if she ever will be. She's decided she has to start making dating her job if it's ever going to happen,” says it all. Ms. Kelly, it won’t happen unless you learn to like donuts, Chinese buffets and -- more than anything else -- yourself for what you are.

Ms. Kelly, however, is not the only screwed-up woman in a position to be heard by gullible girls. After working for two years at a fashion magazine, I was shocked by how the female staff, all former models, treated each other. The competition to fit into the teensy clothing samples submitted by fashion designers for article reviews was fierce, and the women were passive-aggressively cruel to each other. And not always passively. These were the ones who were heard as the voices of the “modern woman.” They also had incredible food issues.

When I started dating one of the tall, lean fashion editors, I was quickly perplexed by her need to spend four hours in the gym every day. We went away for a long weekend and her one “must-have” was a place with a gym. She explained she couldn’t miss a day at the gym and her first love, the Stairmaster, or she would go into depression. Her other addiction was to about 20 pounds of carrot sticks daily.

Men are not to blame

It wasn’t until I met her parents and her mother showed me a high school photo of her daughter that I realized her problem. My girlfriend hadn't been fat in high school -- she was healthy, but still thought herself “too fat” due to the fashion magazines she worshiped, with articles by the likes of Ms. Kelly -- closeted freaks that cut themselves because mommy told them to not eat so many potatoes at dinner. I’m sure daddy, like this woman’s father, loved them, gave them hugs and called them “My Princess,” which caused further personality problems of a different sort.

Women are crushed by societal pressure for an ideal of “beauty.” Fake breasts, puffed-up lips, collagen injections and anus bleaching -- a woman should never bleach her anus due to the ideals of  beauty; she should just do it to make her feel good about herself.

eat up, ladies

Being healthy is important. Any person who can’t walk up a flight of stairs without having a heart attack has a problem. Clothes that are a size (or five) too small for your figure look sloppy. If a value-meal at McDonald’s is considered an appetizer, then there is an eating disorder. We should all strive to be thin enough to be healthy, but you won’t find me complaining if you’re built for comfort instead of speed. Have a merry Christmas, ladies, and have a good helping of turkey, stuffing and dessert. There are many of us men who will help you work it off... Well, maybe ;-(


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10 Ways To Be A More Manly Man

10 Ways To Be A More Manly Man

Well men, I've asked a variety of women about the ten best characteristics that makes a man more manly and a pattern started to emerge. There is really quite an array of characteristics that can define manliness but, as every man's "taste" in women is different, so are women's "tastes" in men.

1. Confidence-Honestly, confidence is number one for a reason. Girls generally don't think men are manly if they don't have any confidence and even guys that are total dweebs, in many cases, can still attract gals by displaying this characteristic. Ways that guys can better gain and have confidence is by being happy about who you are and just being yourself (as cheesy as it sounds).
2. Sense of Humor-Girls just downright tend to think funny guys are generally more masculine, a lot more masculine then us guys would think, mind you. Girls like to be entertained by cute, funny guys so by having some funny characteristics, girls may think you're masculine even if you've never hit the weight room in you're life.
3. Showering/Smell-OK, you've gotta smell good for the ladies, or things just won't work out. If the first or second thing a girl notices about you is your stench, then all is lost. By showering everyday, wearing some deodorant, etc., you can not lose masculinity, unless that girl likes your bodily odor.
4. Exercise-Girls generally think guys that work out, up to a point, are more masculine. Running and swimming usually doesn't cut it (sorry Michael Phelps), but this is a category that girls generally don't give to big of a hoot about. Some girls liked a ripped upper body and others don't so you're best bet really is to just be yourself and do occasional exercise. Confidence can make up for this area in leaps and bounds sometimes.
5. Appearance-The facial expression and appearance of a guy is a big determining factor of whether a guy looks "masculine" or not. Honestly, this characteristic varies even more then the last, catering to each individual girl. Some common ways to look more manly don't have to include looks that are tough or display amazing strength, but smiling and being happy are great for many occasions.
6. Respectful-This is one of the most important skills to learn and use to be more manly. A real man respects women and treats them as princesses, and yes, most women would like the opposite sex to view and treat them as such. Southern hospitality is one of the most manly characteristics a guy can display at times, even if its just opening a door for a girl. Seriously, respect is utterly important and shouldn't have to be built up but most guys need to learn it, sadly.
7. Goal Oriented-A lot of women don't like to be with guys that aren't going anywhere. Having goals and sticking, moderately, to them makes a girl feel more secure and think more seriously about a guy. Again, some girls like to live on the edge and don't really care, but a lot of women do. Having goals generally can help a guy look more masculine.
8. Listening Skills-Right up with respect, truly listening to women is a key to not only trivial things like looking masculine, but listening to women can save marriages, help gain lasting bonds and friendships, and can help you find the right girl for you. Listening to a woman shows her you care and will sacrifice some time to totally devote yourself to what she thinks and has to say. Every woman I know says that this characteristic is important.
9. Hobbies-Once again, girls tend to like guys that are going somewhere in life and by "showing off" with hobbies, girls can get acquainted with and curious of guys. Some hobbies, obviously, are more attractive to some kind of women then others, but be yourself with what you do and the right girl will come along.
10. Sensitivity-Yes, having some amount of sensitivity makes men appear masculine to most women. We're not talking about crying all the way through a movie, but showing empathy and maybe tears once in a while (shock!). Overdoing it isn't good, but this is really a characteristic that a person can only really be himself about.

In the end, being masculine is mostly about being yourself and being happy about it. Even if you think you look like a loser doing something, the girl you're after might think you're cute doing it, especially if done with confidence. Listen, listen, listen to what a girl has to say and respect her, you can't go wrong with that. Those are 10 ways to be a more manly man.

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