5 Myths About Female Orgasms

5 Myths About Female Orgasms

We’ve come a long way since the days when science doubted the existence of the female orgasm. Today, a woman’s sexual satisfaction is a major field of study and the average couple has spent a great deal of time trying to improve her experience. This is certainly appreciated, but some of you may be trying too hard; her level of satisfaction may already be everything she could hope for. That’s right: You may be striving toward a goal that has been based entirely on myth. This misinformation circulates with surprising frequency and you may be shocked (if not relieved) to learn how wrong some of them are. Read on as I discuss, and set right, the 5 biggest female orgasm myths around.

All women want a G-spot orgasm

Put in the simplest terms possible: This is a load of crap. While it’s true that many women lust for G-spot orgasms, it’s a complete orgasm myth that all women desire such a thing. For many women, having the G-spot stimulated - even "correctly" - results in a sensation that can only be described as extremely uncomfortable. It can make a woman feel like she needs to urinate immediately, and that’s never fun. It can also cause her to feel pain, and not in a sexy S&M kind of way, either. In fact, the whole stimulating the G-spot thing can annoy some women to the point where it completely turns them off for the rest of the evening. Yes, some women love having their G-spot stimulated - but many don’t.

Women need a skilled partner to orgasm

Many men pride themselves on their ability to make a woman orgasm (and I'm sure your skills are definitely appreciated), but the ultimate responsibility for a woman’s orgasm belongs to her. It’s perfectly normal for a woman to have difficulty achieving a vaginal orgasm - that’s why God invented the clitoris. Meaning: She can still achieve a fabulous orgasm even if her lover is a virgin with limited experience and know-how. A man’s efforts are certainly helpful, but if she’s not achieving orgasm she has no one to blame but herself. Additionally, many women suffer from performance anxiety just as men do. If a woman falls into this category, even the most skillful of men wouldn’t be able to make her orgasm, regardless of his efforts.

Women need to orgasm to enjoy themselves

This orgasm myth couldn’t be further from the truth. Sex feels good whether you have an orgasm or not, and when combined with the right level of intimacy, the experience can be immensely satisfying regardless of whether or not she climaxes. Many women even prefer foreplay to actual sex and orgasm. Why? Because, for some women kissing, hugging and caressing are more satisfying than anything you see in porn flicks. If you combine these acts of affection with slow and steady penetration, most women will be perfectly content at the end of your love session.

Vaginal orgasms are better than clitoral orgasms

This orgasm myth is a bit like comparing apples and oranges. OK, not exactly, but you get the idea. The basic point is this: Both are perfectly lovely and they can be equally satisfying. The only reason vaginal orgasms are regarded as the Holy Grail of ecstasy is how infrequently they occur. Statistically speaking, it’s estimated that 30% of women will never even experience one and only 30% do so with regularity. That means you have a very good chance of dating or marrying a woman who will never achieve a vaginal orgasm. Unfair as that may sound, clitoral orgasms are not to be taken lightly; they can be absolutely earth-shattering under the right circumstances, and some women prefer them. Clitoral orgasms are wonderful and there is no reason to pity a woman who hasn’t experienced an orgasm through vaginal stimulation.

 

Women can’t ejaculate

Anyone who still believes this orgasm myth has clearly never seen a good porn film. Women can definitely ejaculate, and some can do so more forcefully (and with more volume) than men. It’s a relatively new acknowledgment in the scientific community, so the research still leaves something to be desired, but there’s plenty of evidence to support the claim. We know that women ejaculate through the urethra, just like men. Female ejaculate contains the same substances male ejaculate contains, and it’s produced in the "female prostate" - an organ which is extremely similar to the male prostate, albeit smaller. Women seem to ejaculate primarily through direct stimulation of the G-spot (some scientists believe this is actually the urethral sponge), but not all women can or will experience ejaculation. So, if she doesn't have a gushing end, don't think she didn't enjoy herself, just try again another time.

 

orgasmic mythology

So there you have it: Five female orgasm myths totally debunked. While it’s admirable to concern yourself with your woman’s pleasure and level of satisfaction, you’re not solely responsible for her orgasm. If she doesn’t have one, she could still be having the time of her life. If, however, you really have your heart set on making her holler, I recommend asking her to masturbate for you, which will provide plenty of insight (and quite a show) into how she prefers to reach orgasm.

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4 Best Ways To Make Her Orgasm

4 Best Ways To Make Her Orgasm

"Because smell, sex and memory centers share close quarters in the brain, the scent of arousal leaves the most lasting impression."
 

She’s arching her back, moaning and groaning, and giving Meg Ryan a run for her money. You're feeling great about yourself and loving how it's going, but you're not alone if these moments are sometimes accompanied by a nagging worry: What if I can't get it right a second time? What if this is all just luck?

Well, some of it is out of your hands. Many women will tell you that an orgasm is nigh on impossible if she's not in the right head space. If she's distracted, worried or feeling uncomfortable, you can be the world's greatest lover and still fail to give her real pleasure. So the first thing you need to do is relax and recognize that it's not all about you. On the other hand, any man worth a place in bed beside a woman knows that he bears some responsibility for sexual satisfaction. For that part of the equation, read on for our for tips to make her orgasm.

Put on musky cologne

Smell is the strongest of the five senses when it comes to sexual functioning for two reasons: First, since anything musky mimics testosterone, it’ll kick her libido into high gear. Baby powder can have a similar effect by activating her “scent print,” which links babies to procreation. Second, because smell, sex and memory centers share close quarters in the brain, the scent of arousal leaves the most lasting impression. The second she gets a whiff of your musky cologne, she’ll be transported back to the last time she smelled it on your body.

Warm up her feet

Every guy knows that when a woman hits the sack she loves to wedge her cold feet between his legs to warm up. Warm feet do more to make a woman physically comfortable than just about anything else - even more so if you want her completely naked, which is not likely to happen if she’s cold, even with the lights off. What most of you probably didn’t realize was the importance of warm feet in increasing the likelihood of her experiencing an orgasm.

According to Dutch scientists from the University of Groningen, the odds are increased by 30%. Maybe leaving the socks on isn’t such a bad idea after all. If you want to try something sexier, a foot massage with a warming gel can do wonders, especially if you concentrate on the pads of her toes and the webbing in between, which are linked to her nether zones according to reflexology charts. Moreover, lips, hands, feet, and genitals get the lion’s share of brain space, where feet and genital centers are neighbors, making them share sexy information. Why else do you think women call shoe shopping “retail therapy” - especially when they’re not getting any at home and feeling bummed out? So socks or stilettos, you choose, as long as they’re keeping her tootsies warm.

"Whether you’re kissing her there, stroking her or gently teasing her with a tickler, just make sure your moves are curvy."

 

Focus on her 10 o’clock and 2 o’clock

When zoning in between her legs, just as you appreciate her indulging more than just your package, she’d like you to go for more than her hood ornament. If you run your tongue around her clitoral head, concentrating on the 10 o’ clock and 2 o’clock marks on either side, and then gently slip your tongue beneath the hood, you’ll have her moaning from the intensity. While bang-on is too sensitive, those two sweet spots will make sure that she takes a licking and keeps on ticking, thanks to the bulbs hidden just beneath. The best way to pull off this maneuver is to have her straddle your face as you lay comfortably on your back. She’ll get to lean into the headboard so she can drive the action with ease, since you’ve put her in the driver's seat.

Kiss the right side of her spine

Touch on the right side of a woman’s spine makes her melt more so than the left side, perhaps because the left side of the brain controls her right side and it's the logical side that can talk her into anything. Whether you’re kissing her there, stroking her or gently teasing her with a tickler, just make sure your moves are curvy. You’ll cover more mileage, not to mention get better mileage out of your touch, since it’s significantly more intense than a straight touch.  

climax trickery

Time for you to take your tricks for a test drive. With all that attention, her skin will be flushed, her pupils dilated, parts of her shaking, and those she can steady, she’ll be pushing into you -- until she’s done and can’t take anymore, that is. Now that’s how to make her orgasm for real and, trust us, you'll be able to tell the difference.

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Breakup Advice:

Breakup Advice:

There is never a good time to break up with someone, ever, so when you know you want out, you should just buck up and do it." Everyone has been dumped or dumped someone, but there is a formula for success in this game to make sure both parties survive the ego bruise.

Where was I when I discovered the trick to kicking the craziness that comes from getting dumped?

I’m glad you asked. I was at the supermarket checkout, waiting beside the magazines. I seriously saw God in an issue of US Weekly. OK, it wasn’t actually God in the US Weekly; it was a tiny, pocket-sized book about dealing with breakups. I don’t know how it got there (my guess is it fell out of an issue of Cosmo), but I was convinced that this travel-sized self-help book was specifically there for me.

I burned through it before it was even my turn to pay for my discounted tortilla chips. I don’t remember much of what the book said, but what I do remember is that it used the word rejection about eight million times. A girl who I was gating had just dumped me. I knew the breakup was coming. In fact, after a year we had started trying a "companionship" thing (a.k.a. "Friends With Benefits"), which basically just allowed us to still enjoy each other sexually before we had officially ended the relationship. When we officially broke up I wasn’t surprised (I broke it off, but only because she wasn't in to it anymore), but it hit me hard later. I wanted this too, but she made the final call. I was rejected first. Seeing her every night was torture. During the days, while working, I felt focused and free. I rarely thought of her, but come time for us to settle in for the evening, I found myself unable to resist her beauty and charm, as though that would change things. Rejection. Screw it. It was then that I realized how much of getting dumped is just an ego bruise.

There Is No Good Time To Break Up With Someone, Ever

How many times have you heard someone who was just dumped say, “And on New Year's, so brutal” or “How could he/she do this so close to my dog’s birthday?” Get real.

Dumpers: There is never a good time to break up with someone, ever, so when you know you want out, you should just buck up and do it. It’s far crueler to stay with someone out of pity, fear, cowardliness or laziness. While we’re on the subject of ripping the Band-Aid off, if you have been hanging out with someone long enough to need to actually break it off to get out of seeing him or her, then a text is not an acceptable method of communication!

Dumpees: Life sucks. Toughen up. You are not alone.

Take A Break

I once had a two-year relationship with this girl we’ll call Mia. Mia was an incredible girlfriend. She had manners, she was hot, she was driven, witty and she was a slayer in bed. It was only when Mia and I broke up that I realized the magic of not speaking and how it can save your life after breaking up.

Dumpers: Do not text, phone, email, Facebook, Instagram, tweet or communicate with the person you broke up with for at least half the amount of time you were together, or until the person you dumped says it is OK. And even then, proceed with caution.

Dumpees: You know what rules about Facebook? You can hide people from your feed without deleting them. This is what you need to do when you have been dumped. (While we’re on the subject of Facebook, never put your relationship status on there, seriously. It sucks when you break up.) You also need to email the dumper and say you cannot speak until you feel OK. The person will get it. Plus, he or she probably doesn’t want to talk to you for a while either. Ban yourself from communication and if you run into each other in public, say hello politely and move along. Restraint is what it’s all about here.

Don’t Ask Questions When You Don't Want To Know The Answers

Just don’t. Don’t ask about who your ex is sleeping with or what she was doing with that guy at that bar. Ignorance is bliss.

Focus on Yourself

Dumpers/Dumpees: You are now single. It’s time to focus on yourself and what you want. This is a liberating time. Never forget that. Breaking up is not the end of the world. There will be another relationship, another great love and another bad ending. It’s just life. We all do it and we’re all still here, aren’t we?

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The Only Way To End It:

The Only Way To End It:

"Sometimes it only takes a few dates to realize she’s not right for you, but those few dates mean you owe her some kind of gesture."

Nobody likes being blown off. Over the course of my illustrious dating career, I have been broken up with, rejected before I could open my mouth and dismissed outright. You can’t expect to get out there and not take some hits -- they’re par for the course. I’m not here to lament those ego blows we take when we stick our necks out to meet someone new. I’m talking about the unexpected hits we take when we’ve met a woman, things are progressing and, suddenly, without warning, we’re checking to see if our phones are still working. There’s a brief period of denial followed by a numbing disbelief. Wasn’t it going well? What the hell happened?

I have a deep resentment for the unexplained-radio-silence move. For that reason, I do everything I can to be sensitive to women I decide not to pursue after the initial stage of courtship. Breaking up with someone after only a few dates is a little bit like firing someone you haven’t hired yet. It’s awkward, it feels almost unnecessary -- but it’s a situation that is virtually inevitable if you’re single. Sometimes it only takes a few dates to realize she’s not right for you, but those few dates mean you owe her some kind of gesture. I have been in many discussions with friends about what our responsibility is at this stage, and I always come back to a basic rule: Do unto others as you would have done to you. Silence is the easy way out, but it may come back to haunt you.

As always, passivity is the worst course of action. I have tested this theory a number of ways in my life: standing at the back of a line to a club hoping to get in (had a great night reading wall graffiti), ignoring a problem at work (spent weekends trying to repair the damage instead of waiting in line at clubs) and, of course, blowing off a young lady after a few dates by not returning calls or texts (confronted while in line at the club in front of others). We know there are ways to manage these situations, but we too often choose to sit back and hope for the best. This is called the path of least resistance.

You may think you’re strategically cutting your losses when you launch “operation ignore her existence,” but this swiftly changes when she decides to launch “operation not-so-fast-buddy.” By this point you have relinquished control and have no way of predicting the volatility that may follow. You have no way of knowing if she is going to decide to call you an asshole in front of your new date when you bump in to her again. All you had to do was grab the wheel, and you could have steered the ship into calmer waters.

I found myself on a fourth date some years back. Each night out was an escalation of things, both sexually and, to a certain extent, in terms of our personal connection. But I was checked out. She was great, but I wasn’t looking for someone to introduce to my mother. True, maybe I could have let this nugget of information slip before we landed on my futon on that last date, but I was curious to see if the sexual chemistry would change the dynamic and maybe increase my level of interest. Also, I wanted to have sex. We did. It didn’t.

Many male friends suggested I slink quietly into the background and do what many refer to as the “slow fade-out.” But then it occurred to me that I would really hate if that was done to me. Actually, it occurred to me that it had happened to me in the not too distant past, and it had left me reeling. So when I was confronted with the shoe being on the other foot, I decided to go against the grain of my male posse and take an original approach.

"Much like you would never burn a bridge with a client, it is never worthwhile to leave a woman with a poor opinion of you."

I told her the truth. I told her that we had fun, but I am not in the same place and that we should both move on. She thanked me for my honesty and we parted ways as well as I could have expected. I felt better and she got the honesty she deserved. By taking the initiative, I avoided finding myself again with vodka and cranberry juice dripping down my face after a spiteful former lover expressed her disapproval of my complete avoidance tactic. True story. The fact is, there was a benefit to taking control. I treated her with common courtesy, and that will make it easy to meet her gaze should we run into each other.

Much like you would never burn a bridge with a client, it is never worthwhile to leave a woman with a poor opinion of you. The world is a small place, and we never know where mishandling a relationship can come back and bite us. Reputation is a powerful thing, and given how easily people can get in touch via social media, it can precede you more easily than ever. If your particular reputation starts involving numerous incidents of abandonment without explanation, you’re in for some awkward conversations. Believe it.

The flip side to this is that a good reputation can start having some real positive effects on your dating life. If it didn’t work with the girl you met at that party, but you ended things with class and a dose of respect, that same girl may know other girls you are interested in pursuing. Now when she is asked about you, much as she may want to hang you out to dry, she’ll probably admit you’re a stand-up guy. “Sure, he ended it, but he wasn’t a jerk about it. Maybe you guys will be a better fit” is much better than, “He’s an asshole. He just completely blew me off.” People talk, and if you travel in a relatively small social circle, it is important to manage these awkward endings with as much decency as possible.

It’s worth mentioning before I sign off that I’m talking specifically about relationships that haven’t turned serious yet. Breaking up from a committed relationship obviously requires a different approach. But making an exit before things get serious can only be handled one way. You need to be straightforward. You need to make it clear that you are happy to have tried, but are moving on. At the very least, she will have to respect that, and, at most, she will speak highly of you for doing so. Everyone deserves closure. Think of it as a favor to your future self.

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10 Most Romantic Photographs

10 Most Romantic Photographs

... of all time!

I may be a little selfish in this post by hogging up all of the 10 spots with just one couple, but aren't they just the most adorable couple you've ever seen? :-)

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6 Things Women Do To Push Men Away

6 Things Women Do To Push Men Away

When it comes to dating disasters, do you ever wonder, "What went wrong?" or "Why did he break up with me?"

The truth is, most often women don’t know why things fell apart-- because they unknowingly played a role in it. Fortunately, David Good, a former "Bachelorette" contestant and winner of the reality TV show "Bachelor Pad", has the answers. An expert on dating do's and don'ts, Good is helping women get inside the minds of men in his book "The Man Code: A Woman’s Guide to Cracking the Tough Guy."

“In short, 'The Man Code' is about insisting on a man who exhibits pride, chivalry, and respect. It’s also about finding true happiness with a guy who’s a man among men,” says Good.

Good thinks every woman should look for a Man Code man, “They are a little rough around the edges but are honest and straight forward and will treat a woman with respect and treat them like their queen once they decide to make that commitment. It's about honesty and earning a man code man's trust.  Once you get that, you are theirs and they want everyone to know it.”

So, how can women avoid losing a "Man Code" type of guy? According to Good, there are some specific things that women do to push great guys away. This list is not just based on his own experience, but feedback he's received from other men.

6 Things Women Do To Push Men Away

1. Wanting a Man to Change

Many women get in a relationship thinking they can change the man. If a man makes a change for a relationship, the benefit must outweigh the consequences of that change. “I get it: You don’t want anything to make me as happy as you do. But if you’re willing to chase this result by eliminating everything else I might love from my life, then I don’t want you”, says Good.

2. An Overwrought Sense of Urgency 

"Man Code" men liken romance to playing poker. “It’s better to conserve emotion for only the most meaningful circumstances,” Good says. While men pay attention to overall themes, women tend to sweat the small stuff. He wants women to know that ulterior motives are not a Man Code man thing to play at, if he’s out late with his friends, he’s just out late with his friends.

3. Sex on the First Date

Unfortunate but true, the "Man Code" man is chivalrous but also “red-blooded and carnal” like most guys. If a woman offers sex on the first, any man will probably take her up on that. A woman that can walk away with a goodnight kiss and leave the man guessing appeals much more to men. They like the thrill of a chase.

4. Talking Things to Death 

According to Good, women need to think of love as "quiet." In other words, it’s what you do when no one is looking, how you find their hand when things are bad and tell them it’s okay. If you hear “I love you” constantly it loses it’s value. “Love is the result of the events in our lives, not the result of talking about the idea of it,” assures Good.

5. Disloyalty 

Loyalty is everything, it is the currency of our lives, declares Good. When women are disloyal to other women, it tells the man they will be disloyal to them, too.

6. A Failure to Let a Lion be a Lion

In the same way that a women wants to feel taken care of and protected, a man wants to know he’s the one that made her feel that way. Good explains, “With a look or word, you can empower us.”
Good has one powerful piece of advice for women: Don't forget why your man fell for you. Woman AND men seem to stop doing the little things they did at the beginning of a relationship that made it fun. Think back and try doing some of the little things you "used" to do for him.

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Winning An Argument With Your G-friend

Winning An Argument With Your G-friend

The basic rule for coming out on top in a dispute with your significant other — don’t be a jerk. Here’s how to keep yourself in check.

You are going to get into it with your significant other every so often. It’s no fun for either party, but as a man, I’m willing to concede that it’s even less fun for men. Why? Because women can express their emotions like it’s nobody’s business. And guys? Not so much.

And since women already have the upper hand, I thought it only fair to share a few tricks to help you emerge victorious from battle … or at least with fewer scars than usual.

Don’t Tell Her to “Relax”

There is nothing more inflammatory than the r-word. Especially when it’s flippantly thrown in the face of a woman who is already on her last good nerve. And since it’s impossible to rationally discuss an issue with a red-eyed, fire-breathing dragon (which is pretty much what I turn into whenever a guy says that word to me), I urge you to avoid this expression and any variation of it — settle down, take it easy, etc. — at all costs.

 

Talk In the First Person

Instead of saying something like, “You don’t appreciate me,” try, “I feel like I’m not being heard when …” or “I don’t feel appreciated when …” It may seem like a small thing, but sentences that start with “I” sound much less accusatory than ones that start with “you.” And when your girlfriend doesn’t feel like she’s being verbally attacked, she’ll be more open to hearing what you have to say. And that may even lead to her apologizing. Maybe.

Leave Your Friends’ Opinions Out of It

Every woman’s greatest fear in life, aside from dating an axe murderer and the possibility that her daily non-fat latte actually contains lard, is getting stuck with the “crazy” label. So even if all of your buddies think that she’s being totally ridiculous for demanding expecting you to do something like text her while you’re hanging out with them, she doesn’t need to know they think she’s nuts. A) They’re your friends, so of course they’re going to have your back. B) Telling her will only make her feel awkward around the friends you name the next time she sees them. And C) It’s guaranteed to drag your argument into overtime — and that severely damages your chances of coming out on top.

Don’t Make Empty Threats

The United States of America does not respond kindly to threats, and neither does your girlfriend. So if you give her an ultimatum —“Unfriend your ex and quit following him on Twitter or we’re so done” — you better be prepared to follow through. Women are nasty mental ninjas who will call your bluff, which will either force you to follow through and leave, or back down with your balls in hand.

Fib If You Need To

File this tip away, because if you don’t need it soon, you’ll definitely find use for it down the road. When a woman gives you the stink-eye and hisses, “You don’t even know what you did, do you?” Lie. Nod your head, and ask her if she wants to talk about it, or if she needs time to cool off. It’s like those “Need a moment?” Twix commercials — she’ll be so caught off guard by your response that she’ll falter, giving you a few precious seconds to rack your brain, identify your offense, and get a stronger game plan in order.

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Sexual Body Language

Sexual Body Language

Sometimes it can be hard to tell what’s going on with your girl: Is she enjoying herself? Are you doing it right? Is she satisfied? Women can be hard to read, especially when it comes to sex. Though, all in all, if she is getting off you are bound to know about it on some level. If you’re not so sure and need some reassurance, check out her more subtle signs -- her sexual body language.

She will show you -- hopefully in no uncertain terms -- how you’re performing. Her body will display some overall signs of arousal that she can’t fake, but remember every woman is different. So, yes, it can often be just as difficult to get nonverbal feedback on your performance when there are so many variables. So, we've put together some general sexual body language signs that she's getting exactly what she wants from you.

Rapid breathing

Our breath when resting is a very peaceful and tranquil movement of air in and out of our lungs. It has the delightful title of "inspiration" for breathing in, and "expiration" for breathing out. When a woman is turned on, however, this breath comes in urgent puffs and probably has some involuntary moans escape with it as the air is forced quickly past her vocal cords. The increase in heart rate when her body prepares for orgasm means her internal organs and muscles are demanding more oxygen. If you can hear her breath change, you’re on the right track. If you can feel her heart thumping, you’re well on your way. This is her sexual body language giving you signals that she's aroused. However, if she's breathing normally after having her "big orgasm," perhaps she’s a big faker.

General writhing around and body movement

If your girl is curling her toes and writhing against you, chances are she's probably enjoying herself. Grinding and pushing against you means that she's really getting into it. If she's lying there limp, then things probably aren’t happening for her. Try changing positions, or stop entering her and warm her up from the beginning with your mouth or hands and see how her sexual body language progresses from there.

Thrusting hips

When she meets your thrusts, you’re doing something right. It's pretty safe to say that if she's matching your body movements and is in time with you, then she's getting something out of it. Good sex is often very synchronized, as that is how our bodies are designed to produce orgasm; repeated movements in the right spot build to a climaxing. The trouble is finding the right spot, of which there are many. If she isn’t meeting your thrusts then her sexual body language is telling you that she wants something else, so change positions and see how she responds.

Arms splayed out

If she's holding herself close she may not be feeling wild abandon -- her arms may be around you, her hands may be on your chest, above your head, wherever, except they're being held in close to her own body. If she's on top she may need her arms to maneuver herself and give herself some leverage to get the best angle. This is certainly not a definitive gesture, but can be useful. Her body should be responding to the situation at hand. She shouldn't be worried about covering herself up or where her arms are. If her arms are stretched wide, either held out to the side or splayed out on the bed sheets, you can bet her sexual body language is telling you you're right where you need to be and she's comfortable (and enjoying the ride). 

Vaginal muscle movement

You have one of your most sensitive parts inside one of her most sensitive parts -- with each movement inside of her you can feel the walls of her vagina, the muscles and flesh. The vaginal wall is an incredibly strong muscle and she will probably use this to some extent for her own pleasure during sex. You may also feel the contracting and relaxing during orgasm -- her vagina spasms and this will clench you to some degree -- but not always, so don’t use that as a benchmark. Some women do have great control, and those who do are likely to have better sex and orgasms in general. If you don’t feel any clenching, don’t panic. You may know already by the feel of her vagina when she's not far away from orgasm -- she may let you enter further, or the overall sensation may be "just right" for you both. Only you can tell, so pay careful attention to her sexual body language and what’s going on inside of her.

learn the language of lovin'

Women love sex as much as men do, but what's sometimes missing is the self-knowledge, and of course a skilled partner who brings out the erotic best in himself and her. If you're unsure as to whether your lover is enjoying herself during sex, there is a need for more investigation. Communicate verbally and non-verbally; ask her what she wants you to do, carefully watch and listen to her responses to what you’re doing and don’t assume that what worked for your other girlfriends is going to work for her. Every woman (and man) has different tastes and won’t necessarily respond to the same touches, so try a few different things and don’t stick to a routine. Experiment, tease, tantalize, change positions. When you hear her moan, you’ll know you've hit just the right spot, so don't stop there.


The Definitive Book of Body Language
Winning Body Language: Control the Conversation, Command Attention, and Convey the Right Message without Saying a Word
The Power of Body Language: How to Succeed in Every Business and Social Encounter
Body Language For Dummies
Body Language 101: The Ultimate Guide to Knowing When People Are Lying, How They Are Feeling, What They Are Thinking, and More

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Open Relationships...

Open Relationships...

Persuade Her To Have An Open Relationship

• Better Man in brief ...
• For an open relationship to work, both parties have to be keen on the idea.
• To sell the concept, you need to focus on how she will benefit.
• Make sure she knows it is only about sex, as emotional infidelity is more of a concern for her.

"Often, the best sexual communication occurs outside of the bedroom..."

You make her No. 1, but you don’t want her to be the only one. Open relationships offer sexual variety with other people, which immediately sells you on the idea, but what about your girlfriend? Having an open setup could result in the relationship breaking up. Hey, some relationships just don’t make it once they’ve tried the open road. If you have breakup on your mind, perhaps ending the relationship is your best bet rather than suggesting you widen the playing field a little.

However, if you want to keep your relationship a priority in your life, but you just want to have some new experiences, perhaps you’ll be one of the lucky ones who finds that bringing outsiders into your relationship will add some spark to it.  It’s good to bear in mind that for an open relationship to work, both parties have to be keen on the idea. When trying to awaken your girlfriend’s interest in open relationships, here are some ways to go about it.

1- Plant the idea

Instead of focusing on your needs, let her be introduced to the idea of open relationships in a more objective way. During a hot night together, why not suggest renting an erotic movie or two? Choose movies that involve threesomes and try to find quality porn that has a bit of a story line if possible, especially since a huge chunk of erotic films out there are not always liked by women. (Note: Avoiding porn that features facials or other acts she’ll view as degrading is also a must.)
Watching a steamy flick together won’t only add some spice to your sex life now, but it could also make her turned on by what she sees, thereby planting an idea in her mind that she might want to take further.

2- Encourage the fantasy

Now it’s up to you to encourage her wildest dreams. Often, the best sexual communication occurs outside of the bedroom, so take some time to share your erotic fantasies with your girlfriend and let her do the same. This is a great way to nurture trust in your relationship, but it also encourages her fantasies to become reality. For instance, if she tells you that she has previously fantasized about sex with another person, hear her out and encourage her to describe it to you. Once her mind is open to the thoughts, her body is more likely to follow.

"Find the good things that an open relationship can bring to your lives."

3- Hang out with swingers

Taking things to the next step can involve hitting some swingers’ clubs to meet swingers who are fun, young females. Your girlfriend will see that the act of meeting and picking up swingers is definitely not the same as asking someone out on a date. There’s no trying to get swingers interested in who you are; rather, it’s all about having a sexual experience and then moving on to others. Period. This is sure to put your girlfriend’s mind at ease: Swinging is carefree and noncommittal. You leave your emotions at the door while gaining sexual stimulation.

The bonus? There’s no guilt of going behind your partner’s back or betraying them with your cheating ways because it’s all out in the open.

4- Sell the benefits

One of the biggest mistakes men make when suggesting an open relationship to their girlfriends is that they focus on what they want and completely forget that she has to be on the same page for it to work.

But if a salesman is going to sell you a new body lotion, he’s not only going to tell you what its benefits are, he’s also going to show you how it’s better than the current one you’re using. So, when discussing open relationships with your girlfriend, focus on how the change to your relationship can benefit you both more than your current setup. For instance, she can still reap the benefits of your current relationship, but she doesn’t have to feel sexually limited; she can take that career opportunity overseas without carrying the emotional baggage of the relationship. Find the good things that an open relationship can bring to your lives. If she sees this for herself, she’s more likely to become interested in giving it a try.

5- Make it about sex

It has been said that when it comes to infidelity, women are more likely to have emotional affairs whereas men focus on the sexual satisfaction. This backdrop of information shows you the glaring truth: Often, women will associate sex with something more emotional, or they think that sex will lead to love. This could be the undercurrent that is preventing your girlfriend from wanting an open relationship as her fears could include the thought that you’re going to be falling in love with the new women you’re sexual with.

be open

You have to nip this one in the butt, guys. Ensure she knows your relationship is the sexual and emotional priority -- the main act. All extras in the movie are there for purely sexual adventures. If you keep the emotional stuff out of the equation, she will not see it as a threat, and the good times can keep on, er, coming.



Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures
Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines For Responsible Open Relationships
Love Unlimited: The Joys and Challenges of Open Relationships
Eyes Wide Open: Avoiding the Heartbreak of Emotional Promiscuity

 

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Your Erotic Net Worth

Your Erotic Net Worth

Erotic capital, as described by sociologist Catherine Hakim of the London School of Economics in her 2010 paper on the subject, consists of a collection of attributes including physical fitness, good grooming, superior social skills, and sex appeal. When taken together, these qualities form a powerful personal asset. Of course, the more of each element of erotic capital you possess, the higher your overall erotic net worth. To date, however, this concept has largely been written about in relation to women, though men are equal proprietors of erotic capital.

We all know men with a high erotic net worth: George Clooney, Justin Timberlake, Anderson Cooper, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, and Jay-Z come to mind. Peter Griffin does not. What makes erotic capital a big deal is that the greater your erotic net worth, the more financial success you'll have and the more social and dating advantages will come your way. To figure out what your erotic net worth is and how you can increase it to your advantage, read on.

Sex appeal

You don't have to look like a movie star to have sex appeal. What you do need is the right body language, a healthy dose of confidence, a talent for flirting, and an amazing cologne. Whereas closed body language, typified by crossing your arms across your chest, keeping your hands in your pockets and slouching, gives off the impression that you are a defensive person; open body language shows that you're comfortable with yourself.

For men, facing others head-on with your spine erect, your head held high and your feet about a foot apart conveys a dominant, self-assured, in-control attitude, which is a huge turn-on for women. And because women are programmed to pay attention to smell when selecting a mate, you should also choose your fragrance wisely, doing your best to track down the juice that complements your natural body odor. Use humor to flirt and learn to read female body language -- if she looks at you, then looks away, then looks at you again, she's interested.

Social skills

Even if right now you feel extremely nervous in interpersonal interactions, it's possible to turn your social anxiety around and become the guy in the room that everyone gravitates toward. Men with a high erotic net worth are charming, persuasive, playful, witty, polite, and good conversationalists. To become adept at socializing, read voraciously and stay on top of current events as well as what's hot in film, television, business, and technology. If you’re crunched for time, seek out good all-purpose websites like the New York Times. At the same time, recognize that being the most interesting man at the party doesn't always involve dominating the conversation.

Making others feel at ease is often as simple as projecting a sense of calm and asking open-ended questions (those that don't involve simply a “yes” or “no” answer) to encourage others to talk. In fact, because most people love to talk about themselves, showing an interest in others and listening attentively with steady eye-contact will trick them into finding you fascinating even if you reveal relatively little about yourself. Also, don't take yourself too seriously, as the capacity to laugh at yourself and take life's mishaps in stride shows self-confidence, which is infinitely more appealing than being uptight.

Physical fitness

Having a high erotic net worth is practically synonymous with being in shape. A sexy body indicates virility and vigor, which in women's minds translates into stamina and dynamite sack sessions. What you're aiming for is a V-shaped physique, which you can achieve through a combination of weight lifting and cardio.

If you're presently overweight and finding it difficult to motivate yourself to hit the gym, consider that obese people earn 10% to 15% less than average-size people. The right clothes will also go a long way toward creating the illusion of a perfect body, so favor V-neck tops over crewnecks and single-breasted blazers over double-breasted toppers. Studies also suggest that taller men earn more, so give yourself a height advantage with shoes that have a half-inch heel.

Self-presentation

The way you dress and style your hair all have a major impact on the first impression you create. Sure, over time, many people might be able to get past greasy hair and tattered jeans to see the real you, but being negligent about your grooming routine and your wardrobe will cost you -- on the job in terms of salary (better-looking people earn more) and in the dating realm. To dress your best, know where to splurge and when to save. Develop a signature style by determining what colors and cuts are most flattering on you.

One thing incredibly stylish men have in common is the ability to wear trends without looking like fashion victims. Their secret is limiting themselves to one or two trend-driven pieces per outfit and ensuring that the rest of what they're wearing is classic. When it comes to your hair, get it trimmed every four weeks, use the right kind of shampoo and conditioner for your hair type and avoid working too much product, like gel, into your mane. Be diligent about keeping your facial hair in check and whiten your teeth every six months.

Lastly, pay attention to your hands. No, you don't need to get a manicure, but to women, having rough dinosaur skin running over our bodies is akin to getting sandblasted, so slather on some hand lotion every now and again.

Sexual competence

While possessing the previously mentioned elements of erotic capital will certainly increase your chances of finding yourself between the sheets with a potential mate, poor performance in this department will send your erotic stock plummeting. Fortunately, sexual skills are learned rather than innate, so, start reading books and articles on the topic to improve your bedroom know-how. Focus on finding ways to increase your sexual stamina, such as tantric practices and Kegel exercises.

Equally important in enhancing your sexual competence is figuring out the fine points involved in giving great oral sex and committing to the time involved -- it takes most women around 20 minutes to achieve orgasm on average and a mind-blowing finish will immediately secure you a top spot on her list of lovers. Bonus points for asking about her fantasies and then making them come true.

Finally, devote energy to enhancing your erotic imagination by relentlessly searching for creative ways to switch things up and keep your sex life spicy. Also, even if she doesn't seem like a girly girl, all women go gaga for a little romance, so don't be shy in this area either.

maximize your erotic net worth

By now the value of erotic capital should be clear. You hopefully also have an idea of where you might be falling short and have learned concrete ways in which you can send your erotic net worth soaring. Of these five attributes, some will require more determination than others to develop, but as studies show, you'll be mightily rewarded for your efforts.


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Male Fetishes

Male Fetishes

Hi Man Shed,

What are the most common male fetishes, and are there more men into fetishes today than before? I want to see where I stand compared to other guys.

Thanks,

- Alan R., Middletown, NY

Fetishes have been around since the dawn of man. A good rule of thumb is that anything can be eroticized and made sexual. If you can think of it being a fetish, then it’s been done, from an inanimate object to a body part and everything in between.

The most popular male fetishes vary and often have something in common: proximity and accessibility. One often gravitates toward the turn-on and puts themselves within its reach. Common fetishes include feet, shoes, body parts, lingerie, and power exchange (domination/submission). Each of these is present in most daily activities and can be relatively easily accessed.

Today, less common male fetishes are becoming more popular with the internet. Those who once felt alone now find online communities and websites dedicated to their particular sexual interest. There is strength in numbers. No longer does the diaper fetishist need to feel isolated as there are websites filled with people with similar interests and admirers. Whatever you’re into, I guarantee there are people who get turned on by your fetish.

big girl attraction

Dear Man Shed,

I’m sick and tired of my guy friends making fun of me for liking big girls. It’s so annoying and I’m over the jokes. At first it was funny or whatever, but I’m over it. Why do I like larger women, and can I change this? I’m just not into skinny women.

- Robert P., Panama City Beach, FL

Why would you want to get rid of a blessing like this? You know what you want and what turns you on. Some people spend a lifetime still trying to figure this out with no luck. And, you’re not like every guy chasing the same stick figure model at the bar. You can focus your attention on a woman who may appreciate your efforts more.

A little more cushion for the pushin’ is becoming more popular as a mainstream desire. The waif look is dying fast and curves are making a comeback. I’m not sure what your definition of a larger woman is, but does it really matter? We like what we like and rather than focusing on how to change your attraction, why not focus on becoming comfortable and confident with your attraction.

Friends give each other a hard time about a lot of things, and the more strength and resilience you show them, the more likely they’ll give up on their criticisms and judgments. I know they’ll call you names like chubby chaser, but don’t let it get to you. Find a larger woman who makes you feel excited and fulfilled. Eventually, you’ll teach your friends that happiness can be found in a variety of shapes and sizes. Besides, how well has chasing the stick figures worked out for your friends?

cheating girlfriend

Hey Manshed,

My girlfriend of two years just told me that she slept with somebody else a few weeks ago when she went away for the weekend with her girlfriends. I’m so mad at her. Right now I love her and I hate her -- I mostly hate her. I go back and forth with both of these thoughts, and I can’t decide what to do.

I’m staying with my parents right now because I can’t live under the same roof as her. I don’t know if I should stay or leave her. Everyone gives me the same lines -- follow your heart or everything happens for a reason or something like that. Can you give me some straight advice and not the fluffy generic comments?

Thanks, I really appreciate it.

- Anonymous

OK, advice minus fluff coming right up. She made a big mistake. We know this. But she told you and was honest about her mistake. That’s something to consider and respect in my book. She could have lied or said nothing. Even though trust has been shattered, her honesty should count for something.

Take into consideration the past two years. Was it a healthy, happy, pleasant two years or one filled with fights and unhappiness? Did she earn the right to a second chance over those two years? No matter what, eventually you have to get over this. You get to decide if you’re going to get through this with her in your life or without her. You make the choice. Can you see yourself with her long-term, even forever? If you can, be careful not to let your ego and stubbornness fuel your decision. Everlasting love is something that shouldn’t be given up on so easily. If you never saw yourselves growing old together, then what are you really debating here? Pack up and move on.

One last thing, if you have any skeletons in your closet, consider cutting her some slack. You know what I’m talking about. Remember the Latin stripper from last summer’s Las Vegas bachelor party that you’re never supposed to talk about?

backdoor lovin'

Hello The Man Shed,

My wife and I have been experimenting with anal sex and we try to follow the suggestions of how to make it safe and pleasurable. We read that it is not wise to use an enema as the chemicals can be harmful to the lining of the rectum. She is following a good diet that is high in fiber and we make sure she has a bowel movement before we begin anal sex. However, there is still some fecal matter left and this makes her uncomfortable, more anxious, which impacts penetration. Any suggestions?

- Mark V., Miami, FL

Wow. You sound extremely knowledgeable about anal sex and I’m happy you’re both experimenting with it. Everything you described is great preparation and you’re well on your way to having some great anal sex. We’ve been conditioned to be self-conscious about our bowels, so it’s understandable that it can trigger some anxiety.

My one-year-old niece takes the largest diaper dump in the history of mankind, and the family talks and laughs about it, yet the slightest trace of feces during sex paralyzes us with shame or anxiety. You’re right about certain chemicals in enema solutions that can be irritating to the rectal lining. One thing you can do is use a water enema. Humans are primarily made of water and there’s nothing harmful about a little room-temperature water up your bum. For water enemas, take the advice of your shampoo ingredients: Rinse and repeat. You can purchase an enema bulb at most pharmacies/drugstores or sex novelty shops. There are even attachments you can purchase that connect to your shower. This should do the trick and hopefully lead to less anxious anal encounters.


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