Advice For The Player...

Advice For The Player...

Many men labor under the misapprehension that the most difficult aspect of flirting is the initial approach. And while one can always sweat and obsess over the intimidating prospect of walking up to a woman and saying “hi,” the deciding factor is the interaction that immediately follows.

The importance of a first impression cannot be understated, and if you wish to score a victory, you must not only grab her attention, you must also hold a woman’s attention. Believe it or not, this is where the vast majority of encounters fall apart for men. Up to this point, they’ve managed to net the requisite eye contact and body language from across the room, received a boost of confidence from a few encouraging smiles, and have now embarked upon the actual conversation. They figure they’re golden -- they relax. And before they know it, the woman has thanked them for the drink and disappeared into the crowd. What happened? Well, it doesn’t have to happen.

And the way to avoid this is to learn how to hold a woman’s attention.

Find a good conversational spot

It’s impossible to form a connection when screaming in her ear over the driving music or attempting to have a one-on-one conversation amid a sea of shoulders. If you’ve successfully snagged her interest at the start, take the initiative and lead her to a place where the two of you can talk in a more agreeable setting. Make sure you first establish a positive foundation after a few minutes though; a woman will be more likely to agree to this if she actually wants to learn more about you.

The bottom line is that in order to hold a woman’s attention you must leave the crushing crowd and discussion-destroying music as far behind as possible. This shows you’re interested in more than her body, that you find her interesting and enjoy speaking with her, and that you respect and appreciate good communication. And if things go well during this “separation phase,” it’s that much easier to take the next step.

Maintain eye contact

If you ask women, they will say that a lack of eye contact has become a serious issue these days. I attribute this to the electronic age in which everyone, even adults, can only seem to stare at the tips of their sneakers and mumble. Texting doesn’t help communication skills, people. And after you’ve finally mustered the courage to speak to that exquisite bombshell who's been dominating the dance floor, you had best look into those beautiful eyes when you first begin the discussion.

Now, you don’t have to stare into her eyes for minutes on end -- there’s a fine line between attentive and maniacal -- but always make sure to meet her gaze on a continual basis. Women don’t seem to have this problem, but let’s not forget that eye contact has a lot to do with confidence, and it’s rarely the woman who endures these trials at the club. Admit it, ladies.

Ask leading questions

Interviewers are told never to ask questions that only require a “yes” or “no” answer and they’re encouraged to pursue the most detailed responses possible. It’s not much different when you first speak to a receptive hottie, when it’s essential that you get her talking and directly involved in the conversation. Therefore, instead of asking the default chitchat questions like; “So, are you enjoying yourself?” (heck, she could even nod in reply to that) and, “Can I buy you a drink?” (not a ton of elaboration required), be original and you’ll hold a woman’s attention.

Ask her what she thinks about certain things. Once you’ve learned about her job, ask a specific (hopefully semi-intelligent) question about it. If you do this correctly, she should end up talking more than you and that’s exactly what you want. Most times, it’s what the girl wants too, regardless of any claims to the contrary. In record time, you will become a sensitive, respectful listener.

Fix on a topic of her choosing

Guys are always more comfortable when talking about a subject they introduced. But it happens so often -- we need to be comfortable in such situations -- that most women are left nodding their heads, sipping their cocktail and scanning the room for someone who doesn’t have to listen to himself jabber.

After the preliminary niceties, see if you can’t latch onto a topic she has partially unsheathed, and then grasp it firmly. She brought it up; how can she grow bored with her own topic? However, bear in mind that only seasoned veterans should really attempt this on a frequent basis; it really is much easier to have a prepared “in,” and there’s no way to prepare for the unknown.

However, if you’re successful with this tip, you will ingratiate yourself immediately and score big points by allowing her to take command.

Use compliments and observations

Usually, men have game plans when they first speak to an attractive woman. They’ve rehearsed it in their heads a hundred times and if they stray from this plan, they run the risk of becoming flustered. However, the key to engaging in conversation is fluidity and sparks of spontaneity, which are the common human elements that arise when two people enjoy each other’s company and don’t rely on preset “plans.”

So, when you go over there, make your mark by paying attention to her and proving your attentiveness. If she cracks a joke that strikes you as particularly funny or if she agrees with you on the latest movie, make the effort to build on that compatibility. “You know, so many people don’t understand that!” “I just love your laugh.” “You’re really easy to talk to.”

Compliments on her physical appearance are socially bourgeois, anyway. Go deeper. Observe and compliment her.

Put the spotlight on her

A woman requires your attention but she doesn’t wish to be smothered and, in fact, she’s usually seeking a man who can get her talking. Perhaps the most challenging barrier is the one that stands between you and a steady stream of conversation, which is why you must put her in the limelight and keep her there. Manage this, and the rest’s a breeze.